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2011-07-21T11:28:00.000-07:00

Refresh as been transformed into something even better. Come join us at...

Staying Connected

2010-10-09T18:49:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Refresh!

Thank you so much for stopping by Refresh, a place designed to encourage teen gals and their mentors. During this season of a vibrant ETC. ministry and one-on-one mentoring, we will not be updating Refresh. However, be sure to subscribe with your email address on the sidebar and you won't miss a future update.

May you seek Him and the Word as you mentor the next generation!

Conflict...with Non-Christians

2010-05-26T06:56:00.000-07:00

Question:
How should I respond when someone else -- a non-Christian -- tries to pick a fight about religion?

Answer by Mrs. P:
The best way to respond to an argumentative friend, especially when it comes to your faith, it to give the most unlikely, unexpected response: LOVE and RESPECT. You can practically do this, through:

responding with gentle words
keeping a respectful tone
showing loving actions
commit to private prayer

Jesus commands us to love God and love others:

Matthew 22:36-40
³⁶"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" ³⁷Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' ³⁸This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'⁴⁰All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

When a person wants to argue about religion, really they are crying out for answers to deeper questions. They are searching for significance and trying to remove any doubt of their beliefs from their life. More often than not, they aren't trying to prove you wrong, but rather prove themselves right.

Instead of arguing back, answer their deeper questions with your friendship. Show them you love them enough to not argue, and to not change them by peer pressure and a fancy display of your intelligence. Show that you are willing to stick with them, even though you have different beliefs, assuming they are not influencing you negatively. Healthy boundaries are always a good practice with non-believers.

If a non-Christian wants to sit down and examine the Scriptures with you, go for it. But remember to pray up for that time together, seek wise counsel for answers and guidance in how to respond, and do so with the motivation to love.

Getting to Know Mom

2010-05-24T07:32:00.000-07:00

Question:
My relationship with my mom isn't bad -- we don't really fight -- but I don't feel like I know her. How can I get to know her better?

Answer by Mrs. P.:
This is such a hope-filled question. Truly, it is a blessing to experience a peace-filled relationship with mom. However, it can hurt right down to the core to feel like you don't know her either. For some reason, when someone holds themselves back from us, it always feels like that must be because there is something wrong with "me" instead of "them." Usually, however, it is just the opposite. When a mom or friend guards her heart and thoughts, it is often because she has been hurt at a time she was vulnerable. The natural reaction is to become very guarded, in every relationship.

I do believe, however, that it is worth the effort of trying to getting to know mom better. There is no formula for how to do this, but I would recommend the following steps:

Pray!

Ask the Lord to give your a humble heart full of compassion and love for your mom.
Ask the Lord to show you any bitterness or unforgiveness in your own spirit, especially towards your mom. If you need to, forgive her now. That will have a tremendous impact on your relationship.
Ask the Lord for wisdom and discernment to know how and when to approach mom.

Be vulnerable and honest!

Look for times to share your life with your mom.
Tell her about your friends, school work, interests.
Tell her about your struggles, fears, concerns.
Seek her advice and then heed it, if it is consistent with Scripture.
Consider your roll as daughter. Are you obeying mom? Respecting mom? Or are you being difficult and disobedient? This will definitely affect your relationship negatively, so get yourself in check before expecting mom to respond to you the way you want.

Seek her out!

This relationship isn't just about you. It is about her, too. So seek her out not for what you can get but what you can give.
Offer to do some extra chores.
Send her a note of encouragement (texting or emailing is great), but don't ask for anything!
Ask her out for coffee, and treat with your own money.
Ask her to tell you about her childhood, job, friends, memories.

Relationships take time to grow and develop. As you mature from a girl into a young woman, your relationship with mom will also change. It might be harder for her than for you, so give her grace in the transition. Keep in mind, too, that sometimes moms are going through a tough period themselves, and your roll may simply be to love her unconditionally during this difficult period.

Remember, too, relationships need the ingredients of time, compassion, love, grace, and patience. Sow those things into your relationship with your mom, and the ultimate result will be a sweet blessing from the Lord!

Ephesians 6:1-3 The Message

Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. "Honor your father and mother" is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, "so you will live well and have a long life."

1 Corinthians 13:-4-7 The Message

  Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
   Love doesn't strut,
   Doesn't have a swelled head,
   Doesn't force itself on others,
   Isn't always "me first,"
   Doesn't fly off the handle,
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn't revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end.

Finding Time for God and Prayer!

2010-05-21T07:09:00.000-07:00

Question:
I know that God and prayer shouldn't just be something we throw into our schedule for a few minutes, but at school this doesn't really seem to be working out because of all we have to do. How do we make it work?

Answer by Mrs. P.:
Finding the time to devote to our relationship with the Lord, and specifically prayer, is always difficult. It is so easy to think that at another time in life, it will be easier, but to be honest, it is not.

At your age, the challenges are school and friends. In a few years, it might be internships and grad exams. A few years later, it might be marriage and work and children. There will always be relationships and responsibilities pressing in on us and distracting us from time with the Lord.

The solution is not to put it off, but to seize the moment. In other words, make a commitment to the Lord that He will be first place in your life and everything else will have to fit around time with Him. Then getting going on putting action to that commitment. Decide now that you will devote 15-20 minutes to Bible reading and prayer (conversation with God), every day. If you like routine, look for the least interrupted time in your schedule and do it at that time every day. If you are spontaneous, pick the next available option in the day, with a reminder such as, "Before I watch TV, listen to music, text a friend, surf the net...I will spend time with God."

Think of your time with the Lord in terms of a relationship, not a requirement. If you want it to grow, you need to spend time together. Sometimes, that time will be like an adrenalin rush of joy. Other times, it will be simply co-existing. Every earthly relationship has it's ups and downs. Our spiritual relationship with God will also have times of deep intimacy and other moments that feel like silence. But remain committed spending time with God and in His Word. Walk through the motions daily as an act of obedience and love to the Lord. In time your emotions will catch up. God will bless your obedience with His strength to persevere and a filling of His love.

So go, commit to the Lord your time and your heart now.

Ephesians 5:15-16

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

If you really want to see real life struggle to spend time with the Lord (and an outpouring of His grace), read about my journey here.

ETC. on Facebook

2010-05-21T06:49:00.000-07:00

ETC. now has a Facebook Group, which will be one way we can keep you up to date when new posts with answers to your valuable questions are ready to go here at Refresh. Stay tuned for more to come this summer!

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What makes the ideal man or woman?

2010-05-10T07:16:00.000-07:00

Have you ever stopped to think about what makes the ideal man or woman? It is a great question that college freshman, Paige Roberts, decided to tackle for an English class assignment.

Take a few minutes to see what Paige and her peers believe is the ideal for a man or woman:

What did you think?

Do you want to know what I think?

Well, I am thrilled that Paige is wrestling with this question and challenging her peers to consider it as well. However, I am a bit disappointed by a majority of their responses. Their sincerity is obvious, as well as their hopefulness that their definition of man or woman would one day be fulfilled in their spouse. Yet, I don't believe they realize how subtly they have been tainted by the opinions of the culture. In their thoughts, I see a naivety in understanding what make an ideal man and woman. Moreover, I am deeply concerned about how their future relationships might turn out if their ideal is indeed pursued and fulfilled.

After thirteen years of marriage, I can testify to the fact that both societies standard of ideal and the thoughts of these college students miss the mark. An ideal man or woman should not be someone with the right personality, right appearance, right social habits. That is personal opinion. And remember, looks fade and personalities change.

Determining an ideal man or woman should not be like selecting ice cream and toppings off a menu at the local Friendly's. Tastes change. And ingredients turn sour. An ideal man or woman needs to have substance that transcends personal preference. The answer to this question needs to go deeper, beyond the surface. It should focus on the character of the person, and most importantly their heart.

We ought to be looking for our ideal in the same way God does -- at the heart.

1 Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

The heart is the command central for every human being. Physically, it keeps life going. Spiritually, it houses the source of our identity, purpose, passion, pain, and perspective. It is in the heart we believe that Jesus is Lord. It is from the heart that the mouth speaks. It is in the heart we hide our pain. It is from the heart we share God's love.

The state of our heart determines the state of our lives. So instead of looking on the outside appearance, we must look into the heart of another person to find their character.

In my humble opinion, the ideal man or woman has received Jesus as their Lord, allowing His transforming work to take place in their heart and manifest through out their lives. This ideal person honors God, obeys His Word, loves Jesus, is led the by Holy Spirit, repents quickly, confesses sin to others as a form of accountability, seeks to care for the poor, the hungry, the fatherless and the widow. The ideal man or woman knows their own depravity and God's ultimate sovereignty, living in reverence of Him and purposed to give God glory in all things.

A man or woman who lives by these principles is not perfect, but rather is continually being transformed by God into His perfection.

A man or woman who lives by these principles is not beautiful according to the standards of this world, but rather is beautiful from the inside out with a captivating countenance.

A man or woman who lives by these principles is not necessarily popular, but more often is persecuted for their faith. Even so, in this God's strength is display and it is stunning.

To find an ideal man or woman is to find the character of God living on this earth. It is a worthy pursuit, to find such a person. Moreover, it is a worthy pursuit to become such a person, for the glory of God.

By His Grace & Mighty Power,
Mrs. P

~~~~

About Paige Roberts
I am a freshman at Miami University. I’m involved with Campus Crusade for Christ at Miami and I love meeting new people every day here. The most important thing in my life is my relationship with God. I was saved when I was a little kid and made the decision to be baptized during high school. To me faith is everything and don’t get me wrong, I have been teased for it, but in my eyes what I’m living for is worth everything I’m getting here. I am trying to live my life like a woman of God, so when my English 112 professor assigned our video assignment I knew this would be a perfect opportunity to show what matters in a relationship in general. I know people my age tend to think it’s all about looks and I was hoping to prove that looks weren’t everything. As it turns out, there are some more important factors when looking for a mate, whether you are a male or female and my video explains what I found in my research. Enjoy!

Question: To Judge or to Admonish?

2010-04-11T19:57:00.000-07:00

Question:
I'm struggling between what the Bible says about not judging others, since everyone has sin, and admonishing friends who are clearly doing something wrong.

Answer by Mrs. P.:
The answer to this question is drawn from the two passages being referenced. Matthew 7 (as well as Luke 6) contain the teach from Jesus to not judge others.

Matthew 7
Judging Others
¹"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ²For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. ³"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

The point of this teaching is often missed. Yes, we are not to judge others. But the deeper problem is that we often don't look inward at our own problems. It is all to easy to point out the sin, faults, and annoyances of a friend or family member, all the while not considering how our issues need a bit more of our attention.

Jesus is clearly telling us to take care of the state of our hearts and lives. How do we do that? Through reflection, confession, and repentance. It is our responsibility to get right with God, not in an attempt to earn His love, but simply to keep a pure relationship with Him. The by-product from being right with God is being able to purely admonish another, as God calls us to.

Admonish is an old-fashion word rich in meaning:

1. to caution, advise, or counsel against something
2. to reprove or scold, esp. in a mild and good-willed manner
3. to urge to a duty; remind

Seriously, this is a great word! It is a great call! It is the practical way of putting love into action with words that challenge our friends and family member to do what is God's best for their life. There is not a shred of negative application in God's call for us to admonish one another:

Colossians 3:16
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

Just imagine the potential of our relationships, if we are serious about applying these two verses! When we get right with God by dealing with our own stuff, we are perfectly positioned to admonish our friends and loved ones to do God's right thing. Instead of judging, we approach humbly -- in tune with our own issues -- and in love, wanting to share the wisdom of experience and hope of Christ's grace, love, and forgiveness.

It really is a good thing to do things God's way!

Question: Silence of God?

2010-03-29T05:43:00.000-07:00

Question:
What do you do when you keep asking God for an answer about something and still don't hear anything? How do you you wait?

Answer by Mrs. P.:
This is such a great question, because it is something every Christian will struggle with over their life time. There are times that God is silent. Plain and simple. At times, it may be due to our sin. When we are not living according to Scripture -- sinning by disobeying God's instructions -- we separate ourselves from God. His voice will be unrecognizable and He will withhold His blessing.

However, there are also times when we are not actively sinning or refusing repentance but God does not answer our prayers. In that situation, we may assume that what we are asking may not be in God will or timing. The challenge, then, is to wait on God. We do that by continue to read the Scriptures daily, pray and confess our honest feelings before the Lord, and by seeking friendships with believers that will encourage us to persevere.

No doubt, it is a difficult season of life when we feel the absence of God and/or His direction. Many times, God is using the time of silence to teach us about Himself and mold us into the person He desires us to become.

The best thing you can do is seek the counsel of an older Christian woman or your pastor. They will be able to pray with you, encourage you, and possibly offer some direction or wisdom based on the Word and their own experience.

Hebrews 4:16

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Question: Dating?

2010-03-29T05:28:00.000-07:00

Question:
What should you do when the guy you like is two years older and it is kind of a problem? I know I'm not suppose to date, but I really don't know what to do.

Answer by Mrs. P.:
We've answered a lot of questions about dating, so I definitely think you should review this answers here. Yet you sound like you know our answers, but struggle with what to do now. Here are a few more suggestions:

Pray! Ask the Lord to help you and confess your struggles to Him.
Accountability! Ask a trustworthy friend to check in on you and hold you accountable to not obsessing over this guy.
Distract Yourself! Spend more time studying, start a hobby, invest in another person, become a mentor. In other words, take the time you usually spend thinking about this guy and doing something productive with your time instead.

It is hard. The feelings are real. But until marriage, these feelings are best push aside and time is better spent maturing in the Lord and preparing for the rest of your life through multiple friendships with others and life experiences.

Here's a verse that is worthy of attention and prayer, and may help you put your trust in the Lord, even for this struggle you having:

Proverbs 3:5-6 (The Message)

^5-12 Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
   don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
   he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
   Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
   your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
   give him the first and the best.

It is worth the wait!

2010-03-27T05:40:00.001-07:00

Start Here Giveaway!

2010-03-15T07:25:00.000-07:00

Are you ready for your life to make a dramatic turn? Do you want to move out of your comfort zone and experience the little and big blessings God has in store for you life? Are you ready to become the woman God has intended, right here, right now?

Multonomah Publishers have provided one giveaway copy of Alex and Brett Harris' new book, Start Here, which I'm excited to offer to you.

If you are a blogger, head over to Extravagant Grace to read the review and find out how to enter the giveaway.

If you are one of my girls, email me to let me know you want to be entered!

I'll pick a winner on the 19th!

Becoming a Mentor: Resources For You!

2010-03-10T07:30:00.000-08:00

If you're an older gal, I'm so glad you've dropped by Refresh! Likely, you are looking for resources to help in mentoring a young woman. I am I excited to offer you both a short study and podcast on mentoring. I pray for the Lord to use this collection of ideas to encourage you in your mentoring journey.

Becoming a Mentor: Will You Answer The

Knowing Who We Really Are...

2010-03-02T10:54:00.000-08:00

...is really about knowing who He really is! It is also about recognizing the ways God intends to use us. Read this story about how freeing it was to learn about my spiritual gifts! Then do your own spiritual gifts analysis here.

May you be refreshed by the truth!

How can I deal with the anger inside of me?

2010-02-28T13:35:00.000-08:00

Question:
How do I deal with the anger inside of me, besides praying?

Answer by Mrs. P.:
This is a common question and struggle of many. You'll find some very practical answers in this post about anger, here.

This question has been answered by Mrs. P.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
or any additional thoughts!

What should I say to my friend?

2010-02-27T07:38:00.000-08:00

Question:
I have a friend who has been physically and emotionally abused. He is an atheist because he says that God left him all those times he was being abused. He struggles with the idea of Christianity, but it willing to listen. However, too many people have preached at him, telling him he will go to hell if he doesn't changed. What do I say to him? I really care a lot, and want to help him.

Answer by Mrs. P.:
We all have friends who have been hurt by life's experiences and are struggling to believe the truth of God's love, forgiveness, and mercy. And most of us have known a person or two who had spoken the truth, but not in love, and know the damage that can do.

In this situation, I believe your responsibility is to be loving and truthful at the same time, without taking on the burden of fixing your friend's problems. We can praise God that we already have a Savior equipped to carry those burdens, and do not need to take His place. The challenge is what to do while we're waiting on God. May I recommend the following:

Pray! Specifically, for God to open the eyes and heart of your friend.
Love! Look for ways to show love to your friend, by treating them kindly, sending a nice short note, including them in your activity.
Boundaries! Keep in mind that you can't fix their problems, even though they may expect you to. Avoid long, deep conversations, especially late at night. Keep the attitude about life neutral. Look for positive situations to focus on. Since this particular friend is a guy, encourage him to turn to guys to spend time with. Be sure to not fill the roll of mother nor best friend, which would be the naturally tendency for a hurting guy and a sensitive gal.
Truth! Encourage your friend to seek Christian counseling to help him walk through his pain and problems. Remind him of God's love for him and ability to heal the wounds life has caused.
Help! Ask for help from an older woman, and suggest he find help from an older man, especially if he refuses seeking counseling. This is not betrayal, but rather the way to show love to your friend by looking out for his spiritual and physical well being.

These steps will help you be "a friend that loves at all times." (Proverbs 17:17)

This question has been answered by Mrs. P.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
or any additional thoughts!

Forgiving What Seems Unforgiveable

2010-02-26T13:43:00.000-08:00

Question:
I wasn't raped, but how do you forgive rapists and sexual molesters? My friend is always ask me whether or not she should let the legal system or God deal with him?

and

In the past, I've suffered physical and sexual abuse. How do you lay your hurt (at the cross) and forgive this person? How do you give it to Jesus?

Answer by Mrs. P.:

These two particular questions are very challenging to answer here on the blog because each situation is personal and needs individual attention. However, I want you to know that there are answers! If this is your situation, I highly recommend seeking professional help from a Christian counselor equipped to walk you through the healing profess.

I've had the opportunity to see women of all ages healed and transformed by the Lord's work partnered with the help of skilled professionals. If you need help now, please do seek me out (in person or by email, extragrace at gmail dot com) and I will make the connections for you. Or if you would like to remain anonymous, you can contact Focus on the Family at (800) A-FAMILY (232-6459) for help.

This question has been answered by Mrs. P.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
or any additional thoughts!

How Can I Have a Healthy Relationship, Even If I've Been Hurt?

2010-02-22T00:01:00.000-08:00

Question:
What do you do when your father hurt your mother so much, and you feel like you can't do anything? How do you deal with a lost of trust with him and guys because of what your father did?

Answered by Mrs. P.:
Many of us have been hurt by someone who was trusted by God with the responsibility of protecting us and demonstrating love toward us. For some, that has been our father. For others, our mother. And for others, a sibling, relative, or even an older friend.

But how can we live in such a way so that the hurt and disappointment does not keep us from being in healthy, loving, trusting relationships throughout our lifetime? That, in essence, is the question being asked.

I have a few suggestions, based on my own person experiences as well as from the breadth of material I've read about this particular subject. Here are some important points to consider:

Reality 1: We'll Always Be at the Risk of Being Hurt and Afraid of Others Because of Sin
Why do we have to experience these hurts inflicted by the person who ought to have loved us? Because we live in an imperfect world filled with imperfect people. In other words, we are ALL sinners. Every single living, breathing human being sins.

Romans 3:23
...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God...

Sin simply means disobedience to God, and in particular His Word. Instead of being loving, we are selfish. Instead of being gentle, we're angry. Instead of humble, proud. We don't do what God says, which is best for us and others, because we live by our own feelings and wrong beliefs about God, ourselves, and even our loved ones. In the process, we hurt those we are supposed to love. Like the way this father has hurt not only his wife, but also his daughter, in the question above.

Reality 2: We Can Set the Hurt Free Through Forgiveness
If we pause to think about ourselves for a moment, we can quickly add up our sins. If not, we aren't looking closely enough. But why do I ask you to look at your own sins? Because when we realize we need to be forgiven, we find the ability to forgive others, and by doing so move into a healthy place of healing instead of living with our hurts holding us captive.

As we think of Jesus' blood, shed on the cross for our sin, we just might remember that His blood was also shed on account of those who've sinned against us -- or the ones we love. We're all equal, in that regard, and all need our merciful God to forgive us as well as teach us how to forgive, for that is where we are set free to live our lives in the here and now and will be able to engage in healthy relationships.

Matthew 6:9-15

⁹"This, then, is how you should pray:
" 'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
¹⁰your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
¹¹Give us today our daily bread.
¹²Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
¹³And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.' ¹⁴For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Reality 3: We Must Find the Truth
When we've been hurt by someone who was supposed to love us, our ability to trust that person has been crushed. As a matter of fact, anyone that reminds us of that person has unintentionally, by association, also lost our trust. So in this particular question, fear of not trusting guys because of dad's behavior, is a very real problem. The way to combat that tendency is to consider the truth, which is that dad does not represent all male species. He is one man, one sinner. God, as our heavenly Father, is who we should ultimately trust. And guys, choosing to live by God's word may also be trustworthy.

Ultimately, it is the Lord that should be trusted with our heart. We must seek Him and His word to find out who else to share it with. The Lord has graciously provided us with the Bible, full of descriptions of what to look for in a guy -- just read Ephesians 5:21-33 to see what is a expected of a husband. If a guy demonstrates this sort of character with his friends and family, you will be off to a good start in taking a step in trusting him with your heart as you approach marriage.

Most of all, we can also turn to older and wiser Christian counsel to see what they think about each and every relationship we consider, since we know at the onset we might respond from our wounds instead of from the truth. God has provided the body of Christ for a good purpose. In this case, that is helping the wounded find healing and wholeness again. So lean into your Christian friendships and counsel to see their perspective on the relationships in your life. Begin by trusting those closest to you, and you will learn how to trust the man God has set apart to be your husband in the future, if that is the Lord's will for you to be married. If not His desires is for you to be single, your ability to grow in trust others will certainly benefit you in other ways, too.

This question has been answered by Mrs. P.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
or any additional thoughts

Keeping the Peace with Non-Believing Siblings

2010-02-17T13:35:00.001-08:00

Question:
What do you do with family members (especially siblings) that are outspoken non-believers? It seems like we've had so many arguments about it, that there's no point in talking about it anymore. Is it better to just ignore that huge difference between us?

Answer by Mrs. P.:
It is such a struggle to not be able to share our love for the Lord with our siblings. For each Believer there is a deep desire is to be able to be sisters and brothers in Christ with our siblings.

However, as much as we want this to be our reality, the salvation of our loved ones is in God's hands and not ours. So how can we go on in our relationship with the freedom to express ourselves without being offensive, and still striving to love our siblings even when we don't share our faith?

The answer lies in both trusting God to do His work in them His way AND in seeking to love even when the other person isn't very lovable toward us or our Lord. From personal experience, I have found that in the initial years following the our salvation experience, it is very hard to hold back. We want to tell everyone about Jesus and why they should love Him, too. Our lives also radically change on the outside--as we begin to live according to Scripture--causing many of our family and friends to be frustrated with the new person emerging forth.

There is tension.

Tremendous tension with family members is unavoidable, initially. However, we can lessen that tension if we remember that it is the Holy Spirit that will convict the hearts of those we love, not our impressive arguments or defensive response.

If we can trust God to do His part, we can take a more gentle, loving approach with our siblings.

Instead of trying to convert with words, we can sway them to love Jesus with your actions of kindness, consideration, thoughtfulness, and genuine love. By becoming the "go-to-gal" -- full of dependability and humility -- we honor God by living His way and love our family members in the process.

We also don't need to be perfect around them, even though our behavior should be different than it was before. We don't want to cause them to stumble by saying "Well, I can't do ____ anymore!" and then do it anyways! Yet we also live in grace, which means we might get angry, slip on a word, stumble in an action. We're not perfect! Jesus didn't die on the cross to make us perfect; He died because we are not, in order to make a way for us to be with the Father eternally. In other words, it is okay to admit our mistakes and in that context share the hope and peace that comes from the Lord in freeing us from ever needing to be perfect.

In other words, you don't need to ignore your differences but rather live out your differences in Christ by sharing His likeness in behavior, not words. Preach the Gospel by your actions of love, instead of accidental words of condemnation. Become so salty that your siblings will thirst for the living water as they spend time with you...over the months and years ahead. As you trust God to redeem and save, lay your family at His feet trusting Him with your whole heart.

Take hold of these Scriptures and live them out while you walk this journey with the Lord. You are not alone!

Proverbs 3:5-6

⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Ephesian 1
Spiritual Blessings in Christ
³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. ⁴For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love ⁵he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— ⁶to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. ⁷In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace ⁸that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. ⁹And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, ¹⁰to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.
¹¹In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, ¹²in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. ¹³And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, ¹⁴who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory.

Matthew 15
Salt and Light
¹³"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.
¹⁴"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Philippians 2
Imitating Christ's Humility
¹If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ²then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. ³Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. ⁴Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
⁵Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus...

This question has been answered by Mrs. P.
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What to do about Gossip!

2010-02-16T00:01:00.000-08:00

Question:
When someone starts gossiping about another person, what should you say or do?

Answered by Mrs. A.:

When a person gossips, they are failing to love the person they speak about. It may be true that one does not like that person, that the person did something annoying or stupid, and it may feel good to “vent your frustration” about it. But as Christians, there is a better way.

Luke 6:27-28
"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."

How can we possibly love our “enemies”? Prayer. Our Lord is always willing to listen to your frustrations, and is faithful to guide your heart to love. Perhaps if the one who gossips speaks her frustrations to God, He will open her eyes to see the pain or weakness in the other, and to have compassion. Perhaps the Lord will open her eyes to see the weakness in herself, and to be humble. After all, gossip is connected to pride. Thinking too highly of oneself can lead to impatience with others. Has the gossiper never done anything foolish or annoying? Would the gossiper wish to have all of her life made public? Having a proper view of oneself, remembering one's own shortcomings, is key. Our Lord can fill a humble person with his love, compassion, tenderness, and patience.

Another possibility is that a gossiper is sharing scandalous or salacious tidbits, perhaps even about a friend. It may make her feel important to be “in the know.” These are real, natural, human temptations. Again, I think the solution lies in humility and love. Humility and love are things which our Lord offers to us. They are not things which one can create on one's own. It is our Lord, through prayer, who can fill us with these beautiful attributes.

Romans 12:9-10
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

John 15:17
This is my command: Love each other.

To answer the question of what to do if a person is gossiping to you: be patient, loving, and gentle with him or her. I recommend silence--not saying anything (a gossiper wants the other to agree, to commiserate), or saying something caring, like, “I'm sorry you are having a hard time,” but which does not affirm or agree with their gossip. If this person is continually gossiping to you and does stop despite your lack of encouragement, you have a decision to make (with prayer): lovingly point out her sin, and encourage her to a better way, or gently distance your relationship. Perhaps you will need to do both.

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much. Proverbs 20:19.

But encourage one another daily, ... so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. Hebrews 3:13

This question has been answered by Mrs. A.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
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Is it okay to be the weaker partner?

2010-02-14T00:01:00.000-08:00

Question:
Is it okay that I am very comfortable with being the weaker partner (reference to sharing on 1 Peter 5:7, where the husband must also respect his wife)? I find myself loving being weaker or vulnerable because it usually doesn't happen due to my own physical nature. I'm strong and smart enough and not keep myself out of dangerous situations, but do you think this is dangerous?

Answered by Mrs. M.P.:

I grew up in an environment where my mom was the head of the household, and men were treated with contempt. I was taught that women were meant to control men, and that men were not really smart enough to be the head of the house. When I became a Christian in college, I was faced with the scriptures that encouraged me to be submissive to my husband and that he was the head of the family.

Ephesians 22-24
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

I was sorry that I hadn't had much teaching in this area, either while I was growing up, or before I was married. Honestly, it took me the first 10 years of my marriage to figure out how this works practically - in a day to day relationship. I do not believe that it is a weak position to want to be the submissive one. There is TREMENDOUS FREEDOM is having the husband be at the head of the house. If you can give up the control part! AND, his responsibility is also very great in this partnership. Ephesians gives us what his role is:

Ephesians 5:25-33
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[b] 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

The man is told to love his wife as Christ loved the church! This is difficult thing to do when you live each day - with all of the issues that we bring into our marriages. I have rejoiced in learning how to TRUST my husband with the important decisions for our family. I have been on my knees in prayer for him. I have also freely shared my opinions and thoughts with him on what is best. Just because I am #2 (if you want to think of it that way), doesn't mean my thoughts don't matter, and that I am not an equal partner in our relationship. He welcomes my thoughts and listens carefully. I know that he considers what I say.

But I can also honestly say that when I obey God's Word, and RESPECT my husband (verse 33), there is peace in my home, and great love in my life. My husband is a Godly man who is trying his best to follow God's Word for our family. I pray that you all will also marry Godly men who desire a strong relationship with the Lord.

This question has been answered by Mrs. M.P.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
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Friendship Struggles!

2010-02-13T11:44:00.000-08:00

Question:
What should you do when you feel like the people who are close to you are talking about you or are mad at you?

Answered by Mrs. M.:
This question is one that has a two part answer. First, I know how we all want the approval and affection of others. It is natural and something that we were made for; to be in relationships with other people. However, your identity is not in what the other people, even your close friends, think, say, or feel about you.

Romans 8:16
“The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.”

If you are a Christian, you are God’s child. That is your first identity and the most important. God loves you and sees you as his own. You need to recognize this and claim it because then you will be able to approach the situation in humility and without hurt. You need to know that no matter what the others say you are loved and accepted by the God of the universe. When you truly grasp this, you will not be bothered by what they say.

The second part to this answer is to approach this person or these people, not aggressively but in a humble and loving way. Ask them if you could talk to them in private. Then, ask if you have done something to make them angry or offend them. Note, DO NOT BE DEFENSIVE! Also, do not say, “well maybe I did that but you did this!” or “you do it too!” These responses show that you are not willing to take responsibility for your actions. You need to honestly ask and accept if you did something to hurt them. When they tell you, sincerely apologize for what you have done. If they continue to be mad at you and talk about you, be polite and apologize, but do not let their immature emotions/perspectives affect the truth of how God sees you. His opinion is the one that matters. Also, you are called to love your friends and enemies.

John 13:34
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”

Treat them as you would want to be treated. I try to be peaceful. Do not seek out arguments and finally FORGIVE THEM!!!! In Matthew, chapter 18 verses 21-35 Jesus tells the parable about the Unforgiving servant. It is a long passage to put up so I am going to summarize. A king was settling debts with his servants. One servant could not pay the amount he owed so he begged the king’s servant master not to sell his family into slavery, but to give him time so that he could pay off the debt. The master had pity on him and allowed him and has family to go. The newly freed servant quickly found a servant of his own and demanded the debt his servant owed him. When his servant begged for mercy and more time, the first servant denied him the request and had him put in jail until he could pay him. The other servants saw this behavior and reported it to the King’s servant Master. The master found the first servant, whom he had forgiven the debt, and confronted him saying in verse 32, “You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

You are called to forgive those who sin against you. Do not hold a grudge. Ask for forgiveness first for what you might have done and then forgive them for what they have done to you.

This question has been answered by Mrs. M.
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Negative Friendships!

2010-02-12T12:06:00.000-08:00

Question:
Should you still be friends with someone who negatively influences you?

Answered by Mrs. M.:

You will not like my answer to this question. It is: no. Before I go on, I want to add some caveats. I do not mean that you completely cut the person off and ignore them as if they do not exist. I also do not mean to imply that someone who is a bad influence is a lost cause and can never change. What I mean is simply this, if someone is causing you to stumble and have negative experiences you should no longer devote your time and energy to them. You can still be polite and address them in public, but you do not need to be their best friend.

In 1 Corinthians 15:33 it says, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.'" If you continue to associate yourself with the person you will start to compromise your values and beliefs. Do not be fooled into thinking you are strong enough to resist. Be honest with yourself, when you are friends with someone you care about their opinion of you. You pour out your heart to them, they are important to you. You will naturally want to please them. Continuing to be friends with them without being influenced is impossible. However, you are still called to love that person:

John 13:34
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”

What does this mean? It means that you continue to respect the person. You do not gossip or defame them behind their back. You are polite to them. You tell them the truth. If they ask you why you don’t want to hang out with them anymore, take them aside so it is just you and them. In a gentle way, explain the situation. Tell them that there are certain actions/behaviors that they do that you do not feel is honoring to God. Explain, that while you enjoy their company in other circumstances, you do not feel comfortable around them when they engage in those behaviors, and for that reason you no longer want to spend time with them outside of the usual school related encounters.

Matthew 5: 44 “But I tell you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

The above verse is important because you need to pray for this person. They are broken and need love just like you. Pray that God would soften their heart and reveal Himself to them. Also, you should expect the person to react negatively when you tell them you do not want to “hang out” anymore. Do not be surprised by this. So many kids are afraid of this reaction. It is normal; how would you feel if the situation was reversed? If you lost a friend, even if that friend was polite and respectful, you would probably be very upset. How do you think you would treat that friend when you saw them next? Your heart is telling you the answer.

Your “friend” will first be upset with you and second probably try to guilt you into still being their friend. Third, and this is the part that stinks, they will probably bad mouth you to others. They will “persecute you.” Why, because they are hurt and insecure and know in the bottom of your heart that you are right. When you are hurt you lash out. That is why you have to continue to treat them with respect and pray for them. Know that your reputation will be made evident by your actions not by someone’s tongue.

This question has been answered by Mrs. M.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
or any additional thoughts.

How can I fix the relationship with my mom?

2010-02-11T12:06:00.000-08:00

Question:
What is a good way to fix a broken relationship with my mom?

Answer by Mrs. M.:

Your relationship with your parents is one of the most important. Often we start out with a good relationship and then as we age we start to “butt heads” with our parents. I am not sure about the particular situation of the relationship. It could be just that you have been fighting constantly with your mother, it could be that your mother is undergoing some emotional storm in her life and is taking it out on you or vice versa. Regardless of the situation, we are called to obey and honor our parents:

Exodus 20: 12
“Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land that your God is giving you.”

If your relationship is broken, I challenge you with this question: Are you truly honoring your mother? Let’s look at what “honoring” your mother is. First, this definition is from www.dictionary.com, Honor (as a noun): honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions. Honor itself is to be honest, fair, and have integrity in your beliefs and actions. Okay so how is it defined when Honor is a verb, Honor (as a verb): to hold in honor or high respect; revere. 2. to treat with honor 3. to show a courteous regard for. The first step to repairing your relationship is fixing the mistakes you are making in how you speak, treat, and interact with your mother. Are you truly honoring her? Be honest, are you being respectful, honest, and fair? Remember that you are called to do this regardless of how your mother treats you. I know this can be frustrating but I have found in my life that when I truly did this my mom spoke to me differently and treated me differently. Also, this may take time. Any relationship that has been broken needs time to be repaired. The solution is to be consistent in your actions. You can only control how you behave. If you consistently give your mom respect, are polite to her, have integrity in your actions, and are fair in how you treat her, I think that your relationship will start to repair itself.

This question has been answered by Mrs. M.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
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Should you date your friend?

2010-02-10T12:05:00.000-08:00

Question:

If you feel something for your best friend what should you do about your feelings?
If you know you can’t date someone or go any further with them do you think it’s beneficial to still deepen your friendship?

Answered by Mrs. M.:

I put these two questions together because I believe they are similar. The answer is basically the same for both but I will address them one at a time. For question 1, I am assuming that you have decided to have a guy as a best friend. This is not a good situation because I truly believe that men and women cannot be best friends. I don’t mean family members, like a father or a brother. Here is what I mean, men and women were created to be together.

Genesis 2:23-25

The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called 'woman, [a] '
for she was taken out of man."
24 For this reason a man will leave his father
and mother and be united to his wife,
and they will become one flesh.

You were created to join with man emotionally, spiritually, and finally in marriage, physically. When you emotionally open your self up to a guy the next natural step is the physical. That is natural but it is not beneficial when you are outside of a marital relationship. I have had many guy friends, but the only best “guy” friend I have ever had was and still is my husband. Guys are not invulnerable to this. When a guy opens up his heart and shares with you he will also start to be attracted to you. This is why you have to guard your heart. Can some guys be “just friends” with girls and vice versa, of course but once someone starts to truly share his/her heart it gets messy.

You should not have a “best” friend who is of the opposite sex. You are both kidding yourselves if you think that at some point at least one if not both of you aren’t going to feel something more.

And this is the stage you are at. You are feeling something more because you have opened up your heart to him. You need to first take a step back from the relationship. I do not mean cut off all ties and ignore the person. I simply mean you need to emotionally withdraw a little. This entails resetting your boundary lines for what and how much you share of yourself with him.

Proverbs 4:23
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”

Those boundaries enable you to guard your heart. About the feelings, they are not just going to disappear over night. Placing some boundaries in your relationship and distancing yourself is going to help but you need to pray and ask God to help you remove those feelings.

2 Corinthians: 4-5
“4The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

What this verse is speaking about is how we fight against the onslaught of spiritual warfare. The devil will try to attack you spiritually and use your own thoughts against you. Because of this you have to fight with spiritual weapons, prayer and the Word. Every thought take captive through prayer and compare it to what scripture says about that thought.

Philippians 4:6-7
“6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

If you are earnest and sincere about this you will find that God will start to become the center and focus of all of your thoughts and feelings. Also, His peace will “guard your heart” and mind. This is why prayer is so essential to you.

As for question number 2, I think I answered it above but I am going to reiterate some points. I don’t mean to sound harsh but I think you are honestly still “crushing” on the person. Why would you want to “deepen your friendship” if you don’t want a relationship with that person? If you deepen your friendship, which would be ignoring all the things I just stated above, you are only going to continue being attracted to the person more than a friend. You have to guard your heart (see Proverbs verse in red). Deepening your friendship will not benefit you; it will further attach you to the person and therefore be extremely painful when you cannot be in a relationship with him. Deepen your friendship with God.

Proverbs 8:17
“I love those who love me,
and those who seek me find me.”

He is deserving and trustworthy and will not break your heart.

This question has been answered by Mrs. M.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
or any additional thoughts.

Do I really need to respect my parents?

2010-02-10T11:53:00.000-08:00

Questions:
I feel like my parents don’t have a relationship based on respect. I know I still need to respect them. But how do I do that? Can I talk to them about their relationship? I feel like that is not respecting their authority over me. But I feel like we have a family with “two heads…”

Answer by Mrs. M.:

Alright, first I want to say that your situation is not unique. I grew up having a very similar situation. I also want to encourage you regarding your desire to respect your parents. That is a right desire to have and one which God calls you to:

Exodus 20: 12
“Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land that your God is giving you.”

Ephesians 6: 1-3
“1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

Colossians 3:20
"Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."

These verses are key in understanding that God commands you to obey and respect your parents. I think you understand this. However, you have reached a point where you are starting to see that your parents are sinners and in need of a savior just like you. Even if they are Christians, they are still struggling against the sins of their flesh.

Romans 3:23-24
“23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”

Your parents are not perfect just as you are not perfect. However, you are still called to be obedient to them and respect them. It is not your duty to hold them accountable for their actions against one another; that is God’s. You are seeing two heads which is contrary to what God states.

Ephesians 5:22-25 22
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

You are correct in stating that you think talking about their relationship with them would not be respecting their authority over you. You are right, it wouldn’t. What you can do is pray. Your parents need your prayers and God wants you to pray for them and for what is on your heart.

Honor them and show respect. And, pray for your parents and for yourself.

This question has been answered by Mrs. M.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
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Respect & Honesty

2010-02-09T00:01:00.000-08:00

Question:
Where is the line between respect and being honest about issues you're having?

Answer by Mrs. P.:

It is definitely possible to be respectful and honest.

It begins with prayer. First seek God's perspective on your situation.

Next, you must check your spirit and intent. Do you have a good reason to be upset? Are your feelings hurt? Or are you frustrated with an injustice? Do you first need to forgive the other person, or seek the Lord's forgiveness, before you do anything else?

Now consider timing. You first show respect to the other person by considering timing. Is this a good time for the other person?

Don't forget about truth with love. When you finally reach a point where the timing is right as well as your attitude and heart, and you've spent time in prayer (and maybe even seeking counsel from an older, wiser Christian) you can move into the conversation. To be respectful, you need to guard your words to speak only truth, gently with compassionate, with love (see 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 as your evaluation). You must have their best interest in mind.

Keep in mind, however, that when a person is confronted they will often react defensively, no matter how gentle and respectful you might be. If you are unsure if you are ready to resolve your conflict, seek counsel from a trusted older Christian woman.

1 Peter 2:17
Show proper respect to everyone:
Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.

This question has been answered by Mrs. P.
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Getting Respect, Really Changing

2010-02-07T00:01:00.000-08:00

Question:
How do you change to get respect -- really change?

Answer by Mrs. P.:
First off, change is really possible.

Second, change is hard because it takes work and time.

Third, even when we change to live in a way worthy of respect, it may take much longer than we want to convince and prove to others that we really have changed.

Fourth, changing our behavior, permanently, often requires more than just will power; it requires a change in our thinking and the state of our heart.

So, if you really want to change, I suggest you do the following:

Evaluate the behaviors you want to change. Be honest by comparing them to Scripture.
Pray and ask God to show you why you act the way you do and why or when those beliefs began.
Take your beliefs and look to the Scriptures to find out God's truth. For example, we may feel afraid or believe that we were abandoned by God, but His Word says in Deuteronomy 31:6, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Begin the process of memorizing Scripture, especially verses that are related to your false beliefs about God or circumstances in your life. Use these verses as a way of doing battle with your old behavior as you learn to live in a new way according to the truth.

2 Corinthians 10:5
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Philippians 4:13 NKJV

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Remember, change comes over time. Let the grace of God offered by the blood of Christ be sufficient in your times of struggle until you find complete victory through the power of God.

This question has been answered by Mrs. P.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
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Healing from Hurts

2010-02-06T00:01:00.000-08:00

Question:
I have a friend that thinks it is hard to love a man/boy when her father doesn't treat her mother nor her right. How should I respond to her when she explains this to me?

Answer by Mrs. P.:

I've spent much time considering this question, letting days pass before even writing this answer. Finally, I realized that this question is actually begging an answer to a much bigger question that goes something like this:

How can I forgive the pain my father has caused so that I won't let my bitterness and anger toward my dad be projected on the relationships I have with my future husband, and any other guys for that matter?

The problem is somewhat complex in that the daughter can't fix her problem nor even resolve it with her mom and dad. It isn't like this is her issue, per se, but rather that she is forced to continue living life even though the sin of her dad (and maybe mom) is trickling down on her and causing deep wounds.

My solution for the daughter in this situation, and for any of us caught in the middle of another person's sin, is to do the following:

Acknowledge the hurt we are feeling as a result of another's actions. If need be, put it down on paper, but rip it up when finished.
Accept that we are all human and sinful, and that although this situation hurts us, it isn't necessarily about us. We're just caught in the ripple of sin.
Realize that our view of God should be shaped by the truth of Scripture, and not by the example of others, especially our earthly fathers.
Confess our bitterness and anger to the Lord.
Seek to forgive the one who has caused so much pain.
Ask God to bring Christ-like men into our lives, and to be keenly aware of not labeling all men according to our father's example.
Go for professional Christian counseling, if the attitude of our heart remains the same and if our current relationships are being obviously affected.

I've had to walk through these steps personally, and know that they work. God changes hearts, beliefs, and feelings, but first we have to acknowledge we have a problem, find the reason behind it, and seek help from Him and others, as well as study the Word for God's truth.

Psalm 51:5
Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

Romans 7:18
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

Matthew 6:14
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

Colossians 1:5
the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

This question has been answered by Mrs. P.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
or any additional thoughts!

Should I date my ex?

2010-02-03T00:01:00.000-08:00

Question:
What do you do when you like your ex again, but you don't know if you can trust him because that what a problem before?

Answer by Mrs. P.:
I can tell by your question that you are really torn. You must really like this guy, especially if he hurt you and you are even considering giving him your heart again. But as I listen to your question, I also see through it. I can see your longing to be loved and desire to fix something broken. Those are good desires, but at this point in your life misplaced. If you were married, you would have to work things out and learn to trust him again. But you're not.

It is time to walk away. It is time to turn to the One that is love, not this boy again. Instead of giving your heart to this guy, give your heart to the Lord. If you have done that before, then now...when you are vulnerable...is the time to invest in that relationship with God. Instead of spending time thinking about this guy and wondering about what you should do, choose to read your Bible, pray, sing worship music, be with friends, serve in a place where your special gifts are needed!

My final advice is this: Walk away and put your trust in the Lord. God will do the healing necessary in your heart and in understanding this relationship.

I'd also recommend reading these posts, which talk about relationships and dating:

Deuteronomy 6:5

Love the LORD your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your strength.

This question has been answered by Mrs. P.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
or any additional thoughts!

Become a Mentor, Easy as ETC.

2010-02-01T10:53:00.000-08:00

Do you realize how much another gal needs you right now? Yes, you might think you're nothing special, but that is completely not true! On the contrary, you are incredibly valuable and needed by God for an unquantifiable, unexplainable, unimaginable joy:

To become a mentor to the next generation of young women.

Did you know that you don’t need to be “old” or “older” to fulfill the Titus 2:4 call to invest in the lives of younger women? Nope. Not at all. You simply need to find a gal younger than you (and that may be in terms or spiritual maturity or age!) and begin today in a mentoring role by encouraging, listening, teaching, admonishing, and nurturing her with the "little" or "lot" you have to offer.

I know it is hard to put yourself out there. Maybe you’ll be rejected. Maybe you’ll feel out of touch. But the truth is this, the call to care for the next generation has nothing at all to do with what you (or I) will get out of it. It has everything to do with what we have to give as we serve the Lord. We are serving Him in obedience to God’s Word as an expression of our love for the Lord (John 14:21) .

I’ve had the privilege of living with and mentoring teenage girls for over a dozen years. I started as a young college graduate, helping out at youth group, which gently prepared me for moving to a boarding school as a newlywed. I’ve been in conversations with teen gals every since.

Do you want to know a secret?

My conversations with teen gals are nearly the same today as they were all those years ago. The only thing that has changed are the pretty faces, the challenges of the culture today, and the extra wisdom the Lord has provided me as I’ve grown in understanding of the Word (through a few tumbles of my own). These young ladies are incredibly grateful simply to have an older woman listen to their heart and love them to Jesus and be humble enough to admit, "I'm not sure about...but let's see if we can find an answer in Scripture or from a gal older than both of us."

Friends, I know it might be a step (or giant leap) of faith for you to choose to invest in a relationship with a younger woman, but it is such a high calling of great value to the Lord. He will equip you fully!

May I suggest four simple steps to get started...

Mentoring One-on-One:

1. Pray for God to lead you to the gals that needs you, or for them to coming find you! Let the Lord know you are willing and He will make the way. This might be a teenage woman, or simply another gal whose spiritual younger than you.

2. Share your heart and time with whomever the Lord puts in your path! Age, personality, background, doesn't matter. Treat her the way you would want to be treated! Find something in common and grow together. Let it start over a cup of tea and share your heart, your story first. Next time, ask her to share hers.

3. Draw on Wisdom from the Word! Don't feel like you need to have all the answers. You don't. Let every piece of advice be accounted for in Scripture. If you don't have an answer, search the Word together until you find one and seek an older woman, whose committed to Word, to offer her two cents!

4. Pray some more! Ask God to keep you humble and hungry for this call. Ask for wisdom! Ask for creativity! Ask for help, if need be. And thank God for the opportunity to serve Him so sweetly!

Can it get any simpler?

But there is also another FANTASTIC way to go about Becoming a Titus 2 woman: Start an ETC. group of your own...

copy the code to use the button

ETC. stands for “Evening Tea & Chat,” and is one AMAZING way to mentor teen girls in a group situation partnering with other women.

Here’s how it works:

* Gather together girls from your neighborhood, church, daughter's friends. You can send an invitation indicating date and time (one hour works great!), with plans to host again each week for at least a month or two. It takes times to build momentum and trust.

* Have lots of hot water ready to go and a selection of tea and hot chocolate. Keep it simple! Use paper cups for a large gathering or break out the china if you’ll only have a few gals attending.

* Meet for one hour. Have a basket of index cards and pens in the center of the room. Encourage girls to write down their questions about guys, girls, and God. Open in prayer once everyone has arrived. Offer some type of short instruction or devotional, literally 5 minutes on a particular topic. Feel free to email me at extragrace at gmail dot com, if you want to use my lesson plans and handouts. Or you could glean some ideas from a message I’ve shared, such as CROSSroad challenge. Encourage the girls to be filling out their cards while you talk.

* Collect the cards and pick questions to answer based on:

if you know verses that will support or demonstrate your answer
how many you think it applies to
how basic it is to Christian life

The key for this type of Q&A format to be successful is two-fold: the girls feeling safe enough to ask the question via the index cards and your ability to share an answer based on Scripture and with transparency. That being said, answers should not be based on your personal experience alone. They must be rooted in the Word! If you don’t know the Word well enough to answer off the top of your head, you need to do two things:

start studying Scripture every day through Bible study and personal time
get a partner, who knows the Word well, to help you in hosting etc.

You can also view our ETC. questions right here at Refresh!

Hosting ETC. has been a wonderful experience! I want this for you! But even more so, I want this for the teen gals living in your neighborhoods and attending your churches. They have simple questions and need basic answers to worries we all share. You have the answers and the courage to find them in the Word!

Please, my friends, on behalf of the next generation, please hear this call. You are needed, woman of God, call to be a the influence on the next generation -- to share the truth and to touch such tender hearts with the love of Christ.

If you have any questions, thoughts, or just need to talk about this whole possibility, please do email me! I’m more than happy to share my passion and encourage you in any way!

Feel free to grab the ETC. graphic above to use in your own group! Be sure to let me know, so that I can pray for you, too!

Difficult Relationships

2010-02-01T00:01:00.000-08:00

Question:
What do you do when you dislike someone so much, but you can't get away from them?

Answer by Mrs. P.:
This question is HUGE! Why? Because it is a life-long problem. In high school, it might be a classmate that won't leave us alone, In college, it may be a miserable roommate. And beyond school, there will always be somebody you wish you didn't have to be around. Sometimes it is a good friend of a good friend, a gal always assigned to your Bible study group, a coworker, a relative, or even an immediate family member. Sometimes the conflict is simply due to personality differences. Other times it is a matter of sin, offense, and unforgiveness.

So, what is the secret to living with that difficult person?

Go to the bathroom. Turn on the light. Look in the mirror. Who do you see? Hopefully, you recognize yourself. But beyond your appearance, what do you really see? What is going on in your heart? In your life? Do you see a person longing to be loved? What is the state of your insecurity? Are you anxious and worried about tomorrow? A bit negative a times? Occasionally cranky or irritable? What sort of sin tarnished your day today? Yesterday? Are you bitter and angry?

Think about it for a minute.

How many times might you be that person who is difficult to be around? Who someone else wants to get away from?

How would you like to be treated, in your not so shiny moments?

How would you want someone to react to you, when your attitude, behaviors, habits, or mannerisms are less than becoming and incredibly irritating?

Luke 6:31

Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Hopefully, your answer lines up with Scripture. We all need to treat others the way we want to be treated -- with love, compassion, gentleness, kindness, mercy, grace, and most of all forgiveness. The first course of action in dealing with a difficult person is to humble yourself, take an honest inventory of your heart and actions, repent if necessary, and pursue a right relationship with the other person, including steps of forgiveness.

But what if "this" person is a problem in your life because their sin continues to spill out on you, either causing you pain or tempting you into sin. In those situations, we are called to speak the truth in love. If we have done that and the person continues, we go to a sister and/or brother in Christ and together, speak again. If she/he still does not hear, then we are to do whatever we can to minimize contact and avoid that influence.

Ultimately, the answer may be found in this simple prayer:

Lord, please change my heart or change my location,
and please change their heart or change their location.

In this short prayer, we surrender ourselves and situation to the Lord. We also are interceding on behalf of the other person, leaving it open for God's will to be accomplished.

There are thousands of different ways this question can be answered. What I've suggested is what I've found to work the best and line up with my understanding of Scripture. May God give you peace, rest, and energy to endure this difficult relationship in your life.

This question has been answered by Mrs. P.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
or any additional thoughts!

It is a slow fade...

2010-01-31T11:46:00.000-08:00

Where are you caught in the fade? Is it time to commit your life to the Lord? It is time to receive the faith He has given you and make a decision to surrender your life to Jesus Christ? Is it time to receive the gift of faith He has given you...and to pass it on?

Apologizing!

2010-01-29T06:24:00.000-08:00

Question:
If a guy is shy and you get mad at them, how can you apologize?

Answer by Mrs. P.:
Whether it is a guy or a girl, a parent or a sibling, seeking out an opportunity to apologize is always difficult. When the other person is shy or easily offended, an apology becomes even more challenging. However, if you have done something to hurt another person, the Scriptures make it clear that you ought to apologize.

Ephesians 4:26
"Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry..."

Matthew 5:23-24
"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift..."

Romans 12:18
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

My recommendation would be to take the time to write out your apology. After you finish the letter, tuck it away for at least 24 hours. Go back and read it again. If it is kind, gentle, loving, and truthful -- focusing on your sin and offense, and taking responsibility for it -- then you are ready to apologize. Ask the Lord for the courage to do so and the method. Determine whether you should send/give the person the letter or if they would better receive an apology through a well-timed conversation.

While you might be ready to offer an apology with hopes of the relationship being restored, you have to remember that it isn't all about you. Make sure you are considering the other person as well as checking that you have put your hope in the Lord and not the outcome. Sometimes it takes more than an apology to restore a relationship. It also takes time and a willingness of the other person to forgive.

This question has been answered by Mrs. P.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
or any additional thoughts!

Being the Only One

2010-01-26T10:21:00.000-08:00

Question:

I am the only Christian in my family, and I've found this to be a really difficult obstacle in my wanting to pursue Jesus. How can I convince my parents/siblings that I'm not crazy for knowing God, so that they'll accept who I am and why I have chosen to live this way?

Answer by Mrs. P:

This question pierces my heart as this is my story. I am the only Christian in my family. I know the obstacle it presents in wanting to pursue Jesus. I know what it like to feel like they think you are crazy for knowing God.

At first (sixteen years ago), I thought that if I could just share the Scriptures with them and tell them about my experience that they would understand and want to know Jesus personally, too. But instead, I met resistance. My father told me to never talk to him about Jesus again. I did my best to honor that over the years. My mom has never condemned me, but also doesn't see things the way I do. My sister is fine with who I am, as a Christian, as long as I don't put pressure on her or talk too much about my faith.

It is hard, as I love Jesus and want them to love Jesus, too. I want my family to be in heaven with me, when our time on this earth is done. It breaks my heart to think otherwise.

But how do I continue to live for Jesus, even though I am the only one in my family? Honestly, it doesn't come from my own strength. God has equipped me and enabled me to do it one day at a time. I've learned to depend on the Lord as well as my brothers and sisters in Christ to met the need I wish my family would fill on a spiritual level. I've learned to bite my tongue, pray, and seek the Lord's opinion instead of my family's for certain things. I've also had to accept the reality that I will be persecuted for my faith, by my family, and that it will indeed change all my relationships.

I guess, at the end of the day, the hope of I have in Christ, the promise of eternal life, the strength in the midst of trials, the peace during uncertain times, and the love I've experience from other Christians along with God enables me to continue to pursue Jesus even if my family doesn't...and thinks I'm a little crazy along the way. The Scriptures say we are foreigners in this land, and a peculiar people. And so it is so...

Here are some Scriptures that back up what I am saying and hopefully fill you will the grace of God to press on. Remember this: You are never along when you belong to the family of God. And even more important, your testimony and faith may be just what God intends to use to bring your family into His family.

Matthew 10:32-40 (New International Version)

³²"Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. ³³But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven.
³⁴"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. ³⁵ For I have come to turn
" 'a man against his father,
a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law -
³⁶a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.'
³⁷"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; ³⁸and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. ³⁹Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
⁴⁰"He who receives you receives me, and he who receives me receives the one who sent me.

Matthew 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 5:11
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.

Matthew 5:44
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...

2 Timothy 3:12
In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted...

1 Peter 2:9 KJV
But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light...

There are so many more verse to include. If you want to do a further study, go to Biblegateway and look up key words such as, brother, sister, love, disciple, follow, belong, body, equip. Ask the Lord to open your heart to understand God's ways.

This question has been answered by Mrs. P.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
or any additional thoughts!

2010-01-13T17:53:00.000-08:00

Question:
Sometimes I feel like being a Christian is so boring...is that bad to feel that way?

Answer by Mrs. R.:

My husband is on the front lines everyday in ministry feeding the poor on the streets, helping people change their lives, and sharing the gospel with others so they can accept Christ as their Savior. The times that I've been beside him out there, I must tell you there is nothing boring about it. My husband says that if you think being a Christian is boring, you're doing something wrong. Now, not everyone has to do exactly what he does everyday. God has given us all different assignments and talents. But maybe you're feeling that there's more to this life on earth?

In saying that, I have a few questions of my own about why you're feeling this way. What are you comparing your Christian life too? Do you feel like you're missing out on something? Are people mocking you about being Christian? Here are a few things to ponder:

Are you hanging out with people who aren't Christians or say they are but aren't living a lifestyle exemplary of one? Do you feel like you are pulled toward temptation to do things that don't reflect your love for Christ? But, if you don't do them, you feel like you're boring or people think you are?

Do you have to smoke, drink, curse, cheat, lie, fool around with guys to have fun and not be boring? The answer is absolutely NO! All of those things are not only sinful, but will lead you to shame and guilt. Does that sound like fun?

Here are a few suggestions of how to spice up your Christian life:

1. Get some good Christian friends to hang out with. Maybe you haven't been hanging out with any other Christians and need to have some fun together - good, clean fun that is. Fellowship is sooooooo important in our lives. We encourage each other, laugh together, cry together, be silly together, and just have fun together!!!!!

2. Listen to some real good Christian music. There are plenty of awesome Christian bands whose music is just as good, if not better than what's on the radio. Try out David Crowder, Third Day, Skillet, Jars of Clay, Christ Tomlin...oh I could go on and on!

3. Get your hands dirty! Help out, volunteer, get involved. Tell people your testimony. Lead someone to Christ.

4. Everyday is filled with blessings from the Lord. You just have to notice them. Keep a journal of everything that God is doing in your life. Read it over and over again. You will not be bored by this. I promise you!

5. Don't listen to others or non-Christians if they are mocking you saying you're boring. They are walking around with blinders on. You bring the Light that you are supposed to. Don't be defeated by them. Pray for them.

Jesus said:

"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven..."

Matthew 5:11-12a

The bottom line is that we (believers) are to spend all eternity in glory with our Savior and our God. We have a great responsibility to share that good news to the world. There's nothing boring about that!

This question has been answered by Mrs. R.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
or any additional thoughts!

What is a good way to fix a broken relationship with my mom?

2010-01-07T00:01:00.000-08:00

Question:
What is a good way to fix a broken relationship with my mom?

Answer by Mrs. P.:

I almost can claim expert status on this particular question. I, too, had tremendous conflict with my mom, not only as teenager, but well into my recent adult years. No matter what I said or thought, there was always conflict with my mom. I never wanted it that way, but yet could never figure out how to resolve it.

Essentially, my relationship with my mom took a major turn when we both finally reached a point of exasperation, desperately wanting to work things out. It took about a year of intense conversations, humbling admissions of our own issues, and commitment to not walk away from one another, before the healing process became tangible. The difference now is amazing. I love seeing my mom and am able to appreciate and respect her like never before.

Now that I can look back, I see how much of the conflict was actually my fault. I never treated my mother with respect, compassion, or kindness. I never assumed the best of her intentions. Instead, I argued every point. Assumed the worst. Rebelled in every little way. I also allowed my feelings and pride to trump the truth.

I also know, from this vantage point, that much of the problem was rooted in my beliefs -- primarily that I thought my mother didn't love me (for various reasons). From that place, I built a life of animosity toward my mother instead of receiving her love and giving it back in return. The truth is that my mother always loved me and did everything should could to protect me and offer the best opportunities for my life. But even the best mom will make mistakes and be misunderstood.

I share my story with you because I want you to know two things:

You are not alone. I know the deep pain of conflict with mom.
It doesn't have to be this way. It can get better, if you are willing to pursue God's wisdom and apply His principles.

What is God's wisdom? According to the Bible, God offers clear instruction for the parent/child relationship as well as for how we are to behave in relationships, specifically in terms of loving others and offering forgiveness:

Ephesians 6:1
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Colossians 3:20
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Matthew 6:14
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Matthew 6:15
But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Ephesians 4:2
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
1 Peter 3:8
[ Suffering for Doing Good ] Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.
1 John 4:7
[ God's Love and Ours ] Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
1 John 4:11
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

These verses may not seem of comfort right now, but if you apply them, believe them, and pray for God's ability to live them out, you will receive the blessing that I have experienced in my relationship with my mom.

The Word gives us all we need to see our relationships -- whether with a mom or dad, sister or brother, friend or future spouse -- experience joy and peace instead of conflict and regret. It takes hard work, humility, surrender, and determination. Combine those things with God's amazing grace, which makes any thing we attempt possible in the first place, and you'll experience love this side of heaven, as I have!

I'll be praying for you! Seek to forgive and love, as God has done for you!

What should we do when we are really angry?

2010-01-01T07:11:00.000-08:00

Question:
What should we do when are REALLY angry? Should we tell God?

Answer by Mrs. P.:

This is a great question, because everyone of us will be angry at some time or another. Knowing what to do about it, before it happens, will help us navigate through such a normal emotion appropriately.

Anger is an emotion that usually rears it's ugly head when an injustice is felt. Sometimes that injustice is real -- like the sudden death of a loved one. Other times it is personal -- like when things things don't go your way. Some times, anger is the response to feeling attacked or unfairly treated. No matter what the source of the anger, it wells up inside and often seems uncontrollable.

The most important thing to remember is that anger, in and of itself is not wrong. But what you do with that anger can be very wrong. God says in Ephesians 4:26-28, "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." For example, when you are angry do not break one of God's commands (lie, steal, murder, adultery, covet, etc.).

Therefore, we can apply a few basic principles when we are angry:

Admit your anger.
Tell God. He is never surprised by our anger and is the best one to handle it. Also confess your anger to a trusted to friend or family member. This helps to put words, not actions, to the emotions.
Use time to cool down.
Give your emotions a chance to settle down so that you can think clearly. If need be, go for a walk, work on a project, do something athletic to get the adrenalin (a normal, chemical response) channeled into something productive.
Seek and Pursue Forgiveness.
God tells us clearly that we are to forgive others, as we have been forgiven -- that being forgiving by God is contingent on forgiving others (Luke 6:37, Matthew 6:15). We are also not to let the sun go down on our anger, meaning we are to resolve our conflicts sooner rather than later. Literally, before sundown if possible.Take time to think about the many ways God has forgiven you. Now imagine Him taking that forgiveness away. Yuck! Just as God has forgiven you, you are called to forgive the person that has hurt you. Trust God to "handle them" instead of feeling compelled to seek justice. Have mercy on them instead seeking punishment. If a person is not involved and it is a circumstance or even something God has permitted, talk to God about it. Ask Him for an understanding of His plans and for the ability to trust His ways. This is hard, but God will give you understanding as you ask Him for it.
Time and Change.
Give yourself time for the anger to simmer down. If you are always angry, consider what is fueling your anger. Do you think about offenses all the time? Is the music you listen to angry? What about the TV shows or books you read? How about your friends? Do they fuel your attitude and anger? If you answer "yes" to any of these things, then there is a simple answer. CHANGE. Stop doing what fuels the anger.
Maybe it has to do more with your personality. Do you get angry when things don't go your way? Are you frustrated with imperfection in yourself or others? You need to change from the inside out. Ask questions of yourself to find out why you get so frustrated. Try to let go and let God. Force yourself to let the unexpected becoming a blessing, the imperfection to become a beautiful new creation.

Anger is tough stuff. It destroys our souls and others. It limits the potential of what God wants to do with our lives. Seek the Lord to show you the root of your anger and how to let it go. Find a trusted adult to speak with, who might have wisdom from her own experience to help give you an idea of to find a solution to your anger problem.

Becoming unattached

2009-12-14T05:59:00.000-08:00

Question: How do we become unattached from an ex-boyfriend that we got attached to? It’s hurting me emotionally and I feel like I’ve done everything I can.

Answer: My heart goes out to you. I think all women have experienced the pain of heartache and what a break up does to your heart. Anytime we attach ourselves and invest ourselves in another person we are giving a part of our heart to them. When they leave they take that piece with them and it hurts. My first suggestion, and I’m sure you have heard this already and are already doing it, pray. Continue to pray and seek God. In James 5:13-16 it says, “Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray…Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”

First, tell God and ask him to bring you peace. Second, ask others, your good friends, parents, dorm moms, to pray for you. Prayer is a powerful thing and probably the most underrated tool of a Christian. We don’t realize how strong it is. The verse clearly states that prayer has “great power as it is working.”

I am also going to repeat a verse I used in the answer to the previous question, In Philippians 4: 6-7 states, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” The important thing to note about this verse, besides restating bringing all your worries to God in prayer, is that God will give you peace that will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. This peace can heal that hurt in your heart.

In my own experience I found that besides praying I had to really work at limiting my time and exposure to the ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately, he still wanted to hang out and be friends and because I was weak and still had feelings for him I would hang out with him only to leave feeling like I had just ripped my heart into pieces again. While it is tempting to be around him, it really is better for your heart if you avoid him. Don’t be rude but don’t seek him out and if he seeks you out do not agree to meet up.

With emotions and a hurting heart, the best place to go is Jesus. You can become unattached to this boy by attaching yourself to someone else, someone who will never break your heart and never disappoint you. He loves you more than any human ever has or ever will. His name is Jesus. When you start to seek Him out and devote yourself to letting him take His rightful place in your heart you will find that it doesn’t hurt as much and that He is so much better than anything you could have imagined. Psalm 37: 3-7 says, “Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act…Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!”

The reason I highlighted two specific sections is because you should find your delight, your praise and joy, in the Lord. Study Him and remember all that He has done for you. Delight in Him because He is trustworthy, strong, and gentle. Also, do not concern yourself with the one who hurt you. He is not worthy to hold your heart or your attention.

The biggest obstacle you face is letting God take the place in your heart that the other had. Let God envelope you in His perfect love. It is deep and can heal all the hurt.

Now with all that being said, I just want to advise you that this takes some time. I know you feel like you have, “done everything I can,” and I am quite sure you have. Now let God do the rest. You cannot heal your own heart. Only God can but it takes time. Be patient and concentrate on God. Pray and have others pray for you. The hurt will be healed and you will see how the love of God can transform your mind and renew your heart. It will not happen overnight but it will happen. You will feel whole again, I promise but better than my promise is God’s promise in Jeremiah 29: 11-14 and 31: 3 and 13. It is important to keep these verses in context. Both passages are talking about God restoring Israel to its glory and keeping His promise to His chosen people. However, God does the same thing for us because we are also his people, daughter of the King.

Take comfort in these words, Jeremiah 29: 11-14, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. They you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes.” And in Jeremiah 31: 3 and 13, “(3) I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” 13, “Then shall the young women rejoice in the dance, and the young men and the old shall be merry. I will turn their mourning into joy; I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow.” God is there. He has a plan for you and loves you. Lean on Him.

Middle School Crush

2009-12-14T05:54:00.000-08:00

Question: What do you do with a silly middle school “infatuation” with a guy? How do you stop that?

Answer: First, I would like to praise this young woman for recognizing that the feelings she is experiencing aren’t “love” and are just “infatuation.” That takes a lot of maturity to realize. It is always hard to master your emotions, especially with a boy you like. However, there are some important steps you can take that will help you to move on and not feel the “infatuation” anymore. The most essential thing to do is to pray and continue praying.

In Philippians 4: 6-7 states, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Always ask God to help you. He will give you strength and help you to see things through His eyes and He will also grant you wisdom to know how to handle your emotions.

The second step to take is to choose, yes I said choose, NOT to think about him. This is hard but any easy way to do this is to start meditating and thinking about someone else; Jesus. Start earnestly seeking Him out and learning more about Him through His Word. He will change and transform your mind. Once you start to see and learn more about Him it becomes very hard to even consider a middle school boy. Jesus should always be your number one object of affection. However, you cannot change your own mind. You need Jesus and the Holy Spirit to help you. In prayer ask God to help you transform your mind. He will enable you to do so.

In Romans 12:2 it states, “Do not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Choose to concentrate on what is truly good as it says in Philippians 4: 8, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

The only person or thing that embodies all of these characteristics is God. So turn your eyes to Him and let him be your focus. He will extravagantly outshine any boy you know and you will start to fall more in love with Him.

One final comment. Because you like this boy you need to understand that you might not be strong enough to resist his attention or charm (although I think you are very mature). So you need to not put yourself in a compromising situation. Obviously you can’t completely avoid him and nor should you be rude. You should, however, not be alone with him. Don’t go out of your way to talk to him. While you might not be strong enough to resist, God is and He will always help you.

Here are some words about temptation from 1 Corinthians 10:13, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also proved the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

When you find yourself tempted, concentrate on God and ask Him to show you the way out. He will guide you.

How Should We Act at Parties?

2009-12-01T07:00:00.000-08:00

Question:
How should we act at parties? Like dancing and stuff?

Answer by Mrs. R.:
I have to admit, I like a good party as much as the next girl. I love to dance and laugh and have a good time. Don't forget, Jesus was at a wedding in Cana (see John 2:1-11). Back then, the celebrations lasted days! I bet it was a blast! Lots of dancing, laughing, and fun. I think that the question really is, how should we dance? And how should we have a good time? Here are a couple of scriptures that can help us settle this matter:

Romans 13:13-14

Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension or jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.

Galatians 5:19-21

The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Pretty straight forward, huh? If we are to behave decently as scripture says, dancing closely with another, pressing up against another is not decent. That could lead to sexual immorality. We are not to get drunk either. When we are in a drunken state, it could also lead to fits of rage, sexual immorality, impurity, hatred, lack of self-control... Need I go on? We are warned that all of these things are of sinful nature.

So, how are we supposed to act? What are we supposed to do? Let's continue reading in Galatians.

Galatians 5:22-23

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Phew! What a relief! God tells us what is expected of us too, not just the don'ts. We can make good decisions by testing our actions against these scriptures. Ask yourself, "Is what I am doing or going to do exemplary of...

LOVE? (God's love)

JOY? (God's joy)

PEACE? (God's peace)

PATIENCE?

KINDNESS?

GOODNESS? (God's goodness)

FAITHFULNESS? (to God)

GENTLENESS? (to others)

SELF-CONTROL?

If you answer these questions, chances are you will understand more clearly what God's desire is for us in every circumstance. I hope this answered your question! Keep them coming!

This question has been answered by Mrs. R.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
or any additional thoughts!

2009-11-30T08:00:00.000-08:00

Question:
What should we do to believe more?

Answer by Mrs. R.:
My first response is...read your bible!!! We are so blessed to have God's Word available to us. There is nothing better than reading about the Lord and His love for us to help us see Him more in our daily lives.

I also couldn't help but think about Mark 9:14-29. A boy possessed by a demon was brought to Jesus. The boy's father asked Jesus,

"But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."

"'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Immediately, the boy's father exclaimed," I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:22b-24)

And, of course, Jesus heals the boy.

Admittedly, sometimes, my own personal prayer is the same as this father's: "Help me overcome my unbelief!" It's so easy to allow our own intellect or reasoning to get in the way of our faith. If I go a day without reading the bible, I notice there is a difference in my faith - not that I no longer have faith in Christ. It is more that I don't expect Him to be there that day or expect Him to work in my life that day.

It is imperative in our daily lives, to spend time in God's Word and pray. What really helps too is keeping a journal of your prayers and thoughts. Then you can see how God is working in your life, daily. That will help you believing more for sure. The days when you feel like your faith is low on the faith meter, you can just go back and read some of your journal entries to get boosted and praise the Lord for His works in your life!

This question has been answered by Mrs. R.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
or any additional thoughts!

What should you do about dating a guy with history?

2009-11-25T00:01:00.000-08:00

Question:
What should you do when a guy asks you to be his girlfriend but the catch is he has been known for having s_x a lot? You are a virgin and you know that you will not loose it anytime soon.

Answer by Mrs. P.:

Once again, the answer gals had a unanimous response to this question: Don’t date him! While our reasons may be different, the fact that we all agree should carry enough weight to influence your decision.

My personal opinion is formed by the considering these three different points:

I feel that it unwise to date, period. You can read more about why I feel this way in this post and this post.
I also see you as unequally unyoked (2 Corinthians 6:14) -- meaning his past history is evidence that he is not living for God nor according to the command to keep the marriage bed pure compared to your desire to not lose your virginity. I have to say, the way the question is worded makes me wonder if you believe that you should wait until marriage, or if you are holding out for a certain guy or time. If that’s the case, we definitely need to go back to this post where we can see from Scripture that God does not intend for premarital s_x one bit. 
While we all make mistakes and need God’s grace, putting yourself in a position of dating this particular guy sends up red flags, because of the following potential problems and unknowns:

Does he think what he did was a good idea?
Is he planning on doing it again?
What was his motive in the first place?
What does he think God has to say about all this? Does he even care?
Is there evidence of changed behavior?
Is there accountability?
Has enough time passed to prove the change?

Without the answers to these questions, and considering age (high school) and future (not near marrying age), it would not be wise for this guy to date period. It actually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. He needs to get right with God, commit to purity, and not date again until he is ready to marry. He needs to do this for the sake of his future wife, to whom he will spend the most years with, and for the sake of all his brothers-in-Christ who would also like pure wives to cherish until their dying days.

Hope this helps, my sweet gals. Good questions! Search hard for the answers and the Lord will give them to you, and to us!

How can we learn to love ourselves just the way we are?

2009-11-24T00:01:00.000-08:00

Question:
How can we learn to love ourselves just the way we are? Like how to feel more secure and content with yourself?

Answer by Mrs. P.:
I was so surprised when Mrs. M., Mrs. R., and I all had exactly the same, unpromted response:

Know Your Identity in Christ!

Our response was identical because this struggle is universal. Each one of us has wrestled with questions like:

Who am I?
Why am I here?
What is wrong with me?
How can I change?
Will I ever be happy? With me? With life?

The world -- meaning the culture fostered by media, magazines, and movie stars -- tells us that we will be content and happy when we have finally...fill in the blank. For some, it means arrived at the place of academic accomplishment, as in a PhD. For others, it means fame, as in well-known and respected! For others it is money, as in having a six-plus figure salary and a house on the hill. And for many young ladies, the finally is about being married and having kids.

The lie being spewed is this: "I will finally be happy when I have achieved all that I have dreamed about." P.S. Finally never happens. And if it does, it never matches up to the dream!

Being happy is something we long for, but isn't something God is concerned with in terms of our well being. Loving ourselves is another one of those misnomers. God never tells us in Scripture to love ourselves, but He does tell us to love Him and love others. Isn't that interesting? We're pursuing answers to loving oursevles and finding happiness and according to the Word, we're asking the wrong questions! Instead we need to ask:

How do I love God?
How can I love others?
What does God say about who I am?
What will bring me true contentedness?

We can spend hours on answering these questions! And maybe someday, we will. But let's start with the identity piece -- looking at what God says about each one of us! Imagine walking into a party where God introduces you to others. This is what He would say about you...this is your identity in Christ...

She is my child. John 1:12, Romans 8:14-15
She is Christ's friend. John 15:15
She is my workmanship. Ephesians 2:10
She is my coworker. 2 Corinthians 6:1
She is chosen and appointed by my son, Jesus Christ, to bear His fruit. John 15:16
She is forgiven. Matthew 26:28, Ephesians 1:7
She is sealed with the promised Holy Spirit. Ephesians 1:13
She is a new creation. 2 Corinthians 5:17
She is alive with Christ. Ephesians 2:5
She is blessed with every spiritual blessing in heavenly places. Ephesians 1:3
She is set free. Romans 8:2, John 8:32
She is victorious through the Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 15:57

Looking at our lives through the lens of God’s truth castes new vision on our purpose. We are not simply working in school, but we are coworkers alongside the Lord (2 Cor. 6:1). We don’t need to burn out on life, for we’re alive with Christ (Eph. 2:5). Our struggles are not unconquerable, for we are victorious through the Lord Jesus Christ (1 Cor. 15:7).

God knows who we are, so we need to find our identity in Him alone! When we do that, we will find contentedness. We will begin to know the plans He has for us -- not in terms of details (like what university, relationship, job) -- but in terms of purpose (as in, pick this university, because there you can connect with Christians who will help you grown in your faith...or the opposite, you are strong enough in your faith, that it is time to go "there" to share Jesus with others; or not "this" relationship because he is not a Christian; or yes to "this" job because it uses the gifts He has given you to do His work.) Do you see what I am getting at?

When our identity is found in Christ -- as a daughter of the King set on this planet to declare His love, grace, forgiveness, mercy, joy to others -- everything we do and everything we believe about ourselves is shaped by that truth (1 Peter 2:9). When we seek to love God, as an expression of our gratitude for the Cross, we will care for our lives and our bodies in a loving way, as well. It is all interconnected.

Ultimately, the answer to this question lies in changing our perspective. Instead of trying to love ourselves better and find happiness in our circumstances, we need to seek to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind, and find joy in serving Him instead of satisfying ourselves (Deut 6:5, 1 Peter 4:10).

Clothes?!?!

2009-11-22T00:01:00.000-08:00

Question:
I understand the importance of modesty, but what else should we consider before walking out of the house? What's the point of clothes? How do we honor God?

Answer shared by Mrs. P.:
I love this question! Why? Because the sincerity of the question being asked and the desire to do things God's way. Assuming that many of you want to do the right thing, I'm going to start with the basics and spell it out step by step.

To begin with, modesty is not only the way we dress but also the way we carry ourselves. Let me offer an easy to understand analogy, in terms of food and restaurants. We all know there are different types, such as...

Convenience Store (like a 7-11)
Fast Food Joint (such as Mickey D's)
Chain Restaurant (think of Chili's)
Local Establishment (pick your favorite spot for lunch, that's not a chain)
Fine Restaurant (where you'll get dressed up for dinner and be sure to put your napkin in your lap)

Well, modesty -- in terms of what we wear, what we say, and how we carry our body -- comes in different levels, too. The question is:

Do you want to communicate to others that you are a convenience store or a fine restaurant?

In God's eyes, you are His precious daughter (Ephesians 1:5) . A jewel (Proverbs 31:10-31). Royalty (1 Peter 2:0). He sees you as the finest of restaurants and wants you treated exactly as such. Yet it is up to you how you package yourself. Clothing is your covering. It communicates how you value your inner package -- your heart, your mind, your body. The way you dress and behave sends a message. What you believe about yourself and value is revealed in what you wear, whether or not you think so.

Clothing also communicates how you feel about other people, especially guys. If you are dressing in provocative ways (subtly or overtly), you reveal to the world around you what you think about yourself. You become a walking billboard that screams: I'm insecure! I want attention, especially from guys! I don't respect you, my friend, because I want your man to notice me! I'm nothing more than a s_x symbol!

You (and every other female on the planet) know that guys respond visually. That is how God made them. It is a blessing, especially as a wife soaks in the attention her husband for the rest of their life together. God designed us to be attracted to one another, but we do not have permission to exploit His design to stroke our own egos. When we reveal our package, either by showing too much skin or wearing too tight clothes, we will cause guys to notice and stumble. They need only a hint of what might be unwrapped to visualize the rest of it. Yes, they are required to show restraint and self-control. Yes, they are responsible for their behavior. But we, as their sisters in Christ, must show guys respect by not causing them to stumble (even if there is no evidence of such happening!).

Ladies, guys are our brothers until one becomes our husband. Keep this in mind and treat them as such. You wouldn't parade your body in front of your little brother (or big), wanting to get their attention. Nor would you want your friend to do that to him!

I've given you the reasons why we need to consider how we dress (and carry ourselves), so now let me give you the how to do it God's way. To begin with, memorize these verses:

1 Peter 3:3-5
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.

Every time you look in the mirror, striving for beauty, first ask yourself:

How is my spirit doing today?
Is it gentle or am I angry and bitter?
Is my hope in God?
Am I living according to the Bible?
Is Jesus the one I'm seeking to please?

Then, using the following checklist (which is from Pure Fashion -- a website and ministry devoted to style and modesty, who have composed this list for their models), to make sure your clothing reflects that of a fine restaurant!

Shirts

The neckline should not be lower than four fingers below the collarbone.
The material should not be sheer, very thin, or spandex.
Shirts should not be tight across the bust.
The shape of the bra should not be seen in the back (if visible, the shirt on top is too tight).
The backs should be modest. For example, no strappy backs, halter, or backless garments.

Pants

Should not be too tight, especially in the seat or thigh area.
Should fit well, but not be skin-tight. One should be able to pull them away from the leg.
Shorts should be modest. They should not be very short and/or tight. When the arms are straight down at the side, the bottom of the shorts should be below the longest finger. Remember, clothing worn by models on an elevated runway appears shorter to the audience.

Skirts

Should not be very tight fitting.
Should not be constructed of a material that is too thin. If necessary, wear a slip.
Should not be shorter than four fingers above the top of the kneecap.

Dresses

Should follow the shirt guidelines.
Dresses should have sleeves or be worn with a shrug.

Final Notes

Undergarments should never become outer garments. Bra straps should not be exposed, etc.

More Pure Fashion Guidelines

When buying clothes and dressing to express your personal dignity as a young lady: Remember that first impressions are important. People who never have the opportunity to speak to you can still see you. How do you want them to remember you?
Remember that individuals live in many different positions. People sit, stand, lean over, climb up stairs with others behind them, and sit at tables facing speakers, bosses, or teachers. How do your clothes or lack of clothes appear to someone seated alongside, above, and below you in all of your daily positions?
Blouses and shirts that are too loose can be as immodest as tight ones. If the neckline droops from the body when a woman bends over, everyone can see the body parts the blouse was designed to cover. If the armpit is too loose, think about the view of the person standing alongside.
Blouses that button sometimes have see through gaps between the buttons, so if there is a side view to the inside, this may not be the blouse to buy or wear. Is the blouse too tight and comes unbuttoned easily? A full slip or tank top may need to be worn underneath.
With arms lifted overhead when looking in the mirror, does the back or belly show? If so, a longer look or a layer underneath is necessary.
When going upstairs at work or school, a short skirt will show the upper thigh to those below you. This is not a body part for a dignified woman to openly expose in public.
Many of today's V-necks have plunged to all new "lows." They can even become more revealing when worn by young women of short or medium height. Layering one's tops ensures that your private parts remain private.
Make sure that undergarments are doing their job protecting modesty during the warm summer months. Try an extra lined bra for the months that it is too warm to dress in layers. If wearing light colored pants, ask yourself, how thick is the fabric and how loose are the pants? Also, choose a bra that has a little padding in the event of a chill.
Let the clothing be an advertisement of your dignity as a young lady. Be careful about dressing "grungy" even if it is modest. Typically, how you dress and how you behave will correspond. If dressed sloppily, one's actions are more likely to be sloppy. If dressed like a young lady, you are more likely to behave like a young lady.
Finally, walk, stand, and sit with dignity. Think of yourself as a person who deserves respect. Ask for it by dressing in a dignified manner.

I'm sure this gives you a good starting point. Take a Saturday afternoon to go through your closet with a friend. Try on everything and see how it lines up to the Pure Fashion guidelines. Throw out everything that breaks the rules! Yes, toss it so that no one else will wear it around your "brothers"! Keep everything that works. Consider layers to save some of your favs, as long as you won't be tempted to wear them alone again!

If you are really enjoying this whole modesty idea, invests a few more minutes and Take the Modesty Survey at the Rebelution! You can also check out the "Is this Modest?" blog daily for their thoughts about the subject!

What do you have to do to be forgiven by God for your sins?

2009-11-16T10:17:00.000-08:00

Question:
What do you have to do to be forgiven by God of your sins?

Answer from Mrs. M:
This is a great question and is the start of any person's walk with God. You cannot earn God's forgiveness. You just have to ask. There are a few steps.

Admit you are a sinner
Believe Jesus Christ, God’s only Son died and rose for you. He took the penalty for your sins
Accept Jesus into your heart as Savior

Now I know I made this sound really simple. The action in and of itself is but getting there can be difficult. 1: Admit you are a sinner. All of us are sinners. In Romans 4:23 it says:

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

Psalms 14:1-3 states it this way:

“None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands;

no one seeks for God. All have turned aside…no one does good, not even one.”

We are all sinners but we have to acknowledge that we are to God for Him to begin to open our heart.

2: Believe in Jesus Christ, God’s only Son died and rose for you. He took the penalty for your sins. God is Holy. God is also just. This means that he has to judge and punish sin. If Jesus had not come, lived a perfect life as a human, and then died for our sins and taken our penalty onto Himself, we would not be able to be come to God without some sort of sacrifice. And that sacrifice would have to be perfect to atone (substitute) for our sin. We would be judged according to our sins and we are not perfect so we could not atone for them. Jesus literally stands between God and us and has taken the penalty of all of our sins, the past, present and future sins. Therefore, when God looks at a Christian, He sees Jesus, His perfect Son, and is able to pardon the sin and commune with the Christian. He no longer sees our sins once we have accepted Jesus. The Bible says it this way:

Romans 5: 6-11

“For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ Died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person, though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die, but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For is while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”

3: Accept Jesus in your heart as your Savior. Now perhaps this is what we really want to know. Your thinking, “how do I do this?” If you have taken the first two steps, I would like to congratulate you. Those first two steps are often the hardest. This step is really quite easy. Find someplace that is comfortable for you. You can be with somebody, a friend, teacher, parent or by yourself. It is simply a sincere prayer, out loud. This is what

Romans 10: 9-10 says:

“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified , and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.”

You do have to say it out loud, you don’t have to shout it but you have to physically and verbally acknowledge God and your sin. If you need an exact script, I will provide one in a minute but let me first say that there is no wrong way to admit you’re a sinner and ask Jesus to be your savior. Any variation, as long as you are sincere, will be sufficient. For those who would like a more solid idea, your prayer could be something like this:

“Dear God, I admit that I am a sinner and that I have sinned against you. I want to be forgiven and acknowledge that I need a savior. I believe that Jesus Christ is your Son, Lord, and that He died on the cross. I believe that through his death and resurrection he has saved me from my sin. I ask that Jesus would come into my heart as my savior and forgive me of my sins. Thank you for your sacrifice Lord and for your grace. Amen”

If that seems to long for you this could work as well:

“God, I admit that I am a sinner. I need a savior. I believe Jesus is your Son, and died for my sins. I accept Jesus into my heart as my savior and Lord. Please forgive me. Amen”

If you do this, sincerely, God will not only forgive you but open and clean your heart. He will give you a new life. I hope that you will seek God and ask Him into your heart.

How do I start reading the Bible?

2009-11-16T08:33:00.000-08:00

Question:
I need to read my Bible more, but I don't know where to begin?

Answer from Mrs. M.:
Anywhere! Just kidding ;) But you could start anywhere and be okay. However, if you are seeking learning more about Jesus and His ministry, the Gospel John is a very good place to start. Matthew, Mark and Luke are good as well. If you are looking for some practical advice 1 and 2nd Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians and Philippians are all good places to start. Pick one and dive in. I would say once you pick your starting point, pray first, and then read any introduction your Bible gives you to the book/chapter that you are reading. Most Bibles have some sort of introduction. This helps you understand, who wrote it and the original intent of the writing. Then, you just need to start reading.

What if I have become jaded?

2009-11-16T07:47:00.000-08:00

Question:
I have been a Christian for a long time. I feel that I am losing my interest in the Bible. Why do I feel like God never answers me?

Answer from Mrs. M.:
This is such an important question. I have been a Christian basically my entire life. When you are a christian for a long time you go through valleys and you reach peaks. When you have read the Bible a lot sometimes, your heart starts to harden. This is unfortunately, because of our flesh. When this happens, you need to ask God to renew a passion for his Word. The biggest thing is that because we are humans we have a tendency to only do what we feel like, or what most interests us. I don't mean this in a harsh way just in an honest one. I am the same way. We have to constantly ask god to "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10 Secondly, just because you pray this prayer earnestly does not mean you will immediately feel a difference. God will answer your prayer but the best way to see it happening is to continue reading and studying your Bible daily. This can be ten minutes, thirty minutes, or more but usually it's best not to overdue it. I would say, take a timer a spend 10 minutes on a couple verses of scripture. Pray before you read, read the scripture, spend some thoughts analyzing it, and close in prayer. This is very doable. The reason I am not telling you to take a break is because it is hard to have a renewed passion for the Bible while you are on Facebook talking with your friends.

Here is the best analogy I can think of. If I am a mother and I want my child to grow I will feed him. Now, of course I know you are thinking, "um duh and you don't want him to die." You are exactly right. I don't want him to die either. Now, while I am not yet a mother, I have been a nanny and had times when I really was tired of making food. One child liked something and the other liked something else and there was only enough ingredients for the dish that the 1st child liked. I was tired and didn't feel like cooking, however I did. This doesn't make me an amazing person just a normal one. I had a responsibilty to make sure that the children were taken care of and fed so that they could grow and be healthy. Other times, I really enjoyed cooking and had the kids help me and we had a great time. Here is my point, you can't do or not do this based on what you "feel" like doing. If you want your relationship with God to grow and survive, you will read your Bible. It is quite literally spiritual nourishment for your soul. Sometimes, you will feel elated with some new inspiration God has revealed to you and other times you will be bored and tired of what you are reading. Regardless, you need to read it and pray for God's Spirit to renew your passion daily.

Now to the second part of that question: Why do I feel like God never answers me? I really resonate with this one. I am going to tell you a short personal story to answer it. I was in college and going through a really rough time in my life. I will not go into all the details but I will say that I was consistently praying for answers to my specific prayers. I am not talking about prayers like, "God can you please give me a new car?" If these are the kind of prayers you are talking about going unanswered, I would challenge you to re-evaluate what you are praying for. Part of praying is asking God to make his will your own so that you begin praying for what he wants, your desires start to become his.

Back to my story, I was praying for things that were important and troubling in my life. Side note on this, you don't have to be dying of an incurable disease to have a worthwhile prayer; God knows your heart and how the little things in life can become big. it is not wrong to pray for those things. Okay, done with the sidenote So I was praying. I was becoming very frustrated so I decided to journal my frustrations. Now, this might now seem like a big deal to you but for me it was because I am soooo not a diary person. But I decided I would write my prayer requests down. So I did. After about two months, (I am not saying this is the magic time period for prayers to be answered; God answers prayers in His time which is Not our time) I read the prayer requests I had written down from a broken heart the two months before. As I read the prayers I had written, I began to cry. God had literally resolved each of the issues I had written in ways that had been exactly what I needed when I needed. I was in shock. Not only had God been hearing my quite literally some nights yelling at Him why hadn't he answered me but He HAD answered me and in ways that were infinitely better than what I had been asking. However, it had taken me two months to see this. I challenge anyone who is struggling with prayer to do this and you will be blessed by how God works.

I am not done with this answer because I think it warrants a couple more points. Often times when we feel like our prayers are not being answered what we really mean is that they are not being answered in the way we want. They are not being answered fast enough. God does not work on our time schedule, He works on His and His timing is perfect whereas ours is not. So sometimes we are asking for the right thing at a wrong time. Now when God does not seem to be giving it to us we think He is not answering our prayer. He really is answering our prayer, he is saying "wait, it will happen when it is the right time." Other times we are asking for things that God does not want for us. When we don't get them we think he didn't answer our prayer. He did, he said "No" And finally, sometimes we don't see God's answer to prayer because it is not the answer we are looking for. We are still looking for "our answer" and in doing so we pass right by the answer God has given us. Think about your prayers, Ask God to reveal His answers to you. He will, in His time, and in His way.

One final thing, God is always working for your benefit and His glory. The following verse talks about hope and prayer and God's purpose:

Romans 8: 24-28
"Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? but if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know hat to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit...And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

How can I grow closer to God?

2009-11-16T07:28:00.000-08:00

Question:
How do you get closer to God?

Answer:
This question is a very good one. My answer is how would you get closer with your friend? You would seek her out. Ask her to come with you. Talk with her, do things with her, share with her and ask her to share with you. God will always respond to those who earnestly seek him.

Jeremiah 29:13-14a "You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the lord."

James 4:8 "Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you."

You might be asking, "how do I do this?" You do this by prayer and meditate on the Bible and what you read. I don't mean cross your legs and hum but think hard, analyze, and pray some more about the scripture you read. Psalm 119: 15-16 "I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways. i will delight in your statues, I will not forget your word."

Set aside time for God. Find a place, come alone and devote your attention to learning about and seeking God through prayer and His word.

I have one other thing to add. While God is always with us and never leaves us regardless of what we do, we sometimes feel distant from Him. Usually, when we are not being obedient and/or neglecting to set aside time for God we feel distant from Him. Be honest with yourself, when you are kind of going your own way and doing things you know you shouldn't be doing, don't you find yourself less eager to go to God? You might be ashamed and feel like you don't want to be yelled at, or you just think God will reject you. God will never reject you if you sincerely repent. He will also not yell at you. He is first abounding in grace and love. He is merciful and once you ask for forgiveness He forgets your sin. If this is a pattern you have been in. Don't let your shame or misconceived notion of God's character keep you from him. Reinstate that time with him and ask for forgiveness. He will bless you and flood your heart with his love.

Do you think it is bad to date?

2009-11-16T06:53:00.000-08:00

Question:
Do you think it is bad to date?

Answer from Mrs. M.:
No, I do not think it is bad to date but I believe in a different view of dating than I think most teenagers see today. I do not believe in dating "for fun." I know...groan... that this makes everyone mad and you are thinking, "well your just an old adult who doesn't want me to have fun." First, I am not that old. Second, I do want you to have fun. However, dating should be taken seriously and here is why. When you commit yourself to be in a relationship with someone, I don't mean that you are both married I just mean that you are exclusive, you are sharing you thoughts, dreams and feelings with that person. You are essentially opening your heart to them. If you are being physically intimate you are quite literally gluing a part of your heart to them. For more on the physical part read the post on what is too far physically.

Therefore, when you say you are doing this "for fun" you are really splitting your heart up to someone whom, let's face it, you are not planning on marrying. Here is my rule for dating and while it may seem harsh it will save you an enormous amount of heartache. BE PICKY!!!! Do not date someone you would not consider worthy of marrying. Period. Does that seem harsh? let me explain. When you give your heart to someone who is immature, silly, insensitive, and selfish which I am sorry to say is basically most teenage boys, you are setting yourself up for heartbreak. You are essentially giving what is most precious to you to a little infant who does not know how to take care of it. Would you give your IPOD to your 3 yr. old brother. Heck no! And your heart is much more precious than your Ipod. Secondly, why in the world would you want to date anyone who is not worth of marrying? Why waste your time? They are not going to help you, they will just hurt you so what is the point?

I can only think of two things if you are honest with yourself, because you are desperate or because you think they are "really hot." I'm really sorry but "hotness" is simply your lustful flesh wanting to sin. It is not a good reason to date anyone at all. I did just think of another reason. If you want to date because it will make you look cool socially, again this is a bad idea. Your heart is not a social tool. Don't use it as such. Third, if you want to date because you are desperate, think about what it really is you are desperate for. Is it acceptance, acknowledgment of your beauty, attention, love? All these things must first be found in God, who will meet all your needs perfectly and better than any man ever will, before you can have a heart healthy enough to date. You need to find your validation of yourself in God, not in a person.

For more thoughts about dating, read Mrs. P's thoughts shared in this post on physcial relationships and this post about spending time with a guy.

How do we stop the cycle?

2009-11-16T00:01:00.003-08:00

Question:

What if I say am I sorry to God (sincerely) -- and say that I won't do it again -- but when the opportunity comes around, I do it again? And that cycle keeps happening!

Answer from Mrs. P:
This question applies to every single person taking a breath of air this very moment! Yes, we are all call in a cycle of repeating sin, even after we sincerely ask for forgiveness from God and determine to not do it again. So if that is true, why bother trying anyways? Because it is the right thing to seek to break destructive cycles and to run from the sin that entangles us. Paul often speaks about such a thing, with his most famous verses found in Romans 7:

¹⁵I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. ²¹So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.

We sin because it is our nature. Scriptures say all have fallen short of the glory of God. There is none righteous, not one. But we are also children of God, when we have put our faith in Jesus as Savior, and in His power we can change. It will require of us the following, however:

Acknowledge & Confess
Admit to yourself and God that you have a problem. Admit that what you are doing is wrong and you no longer want to do it. Look at the whole picture and spell out step by step what you are doing and why you are doing it.
Get Accountable
Find someone who you can privately confess your sin to. Someone that won't go blab to the world, but will commit to praying for you and asking you regularly if you are on the up and up. It must be someone that agrees with you that you are sinning, so they will be passionate to seeing you stop. It should not be the person you are engaging in that sin with, for you are both too weak at this point to help one another.
Repent
This means turn completely from what you are do into a new direction, because of Godly sorrow that your sin is hurting you, God, and others.
Make a New Path
It is time to walk in a new direction, away from everything that draws you to the old cycle. Instead of keeping to routine, decide to make a new one. Don't go "there" after school. Don't leave space on the calendar to hang out at such and such a place. Don't leave time to just "check" things out. In other words, fill those usual places with a non-negotiable commitment. Offer tutoring after-school. Volunteer on Friday nights. Break up with so and so. Chose healthy ways to move forward on a new path.

Ready to get on a the right cycle? Start right now by making time to confess, repent, and get right with God. Open your Bible or go to Biblegateway.com and read Psalm 51. Make a new habit of reading a Psalm and Proverb every day!

How much time should we spend with a guy? What is a bad boyfriend?

2009-11-16T00:01:00.002-08:00

Question:

If we are in a relationship with a guy, how much time should we spend with him? What is considered to be a bad boyfriend?

Answer from Mrs. P.:

These are really wise questions to be considered, so kudos to the gal who wants to know! However, let me offer a disclaimer in that I don't believe it is a good idea to have a boyfriend or spend lots of time with a guy while still in high school. My thoughts on this subject stem from issues of intimacy and a desire to remain pure emotionally and physically until marriage. Yet, that being said, for the benefit of those who already have a boyfriend, or who want guy friendships, it is good to know what to look for and what to stay away from.

Let's start with the bad boyfriend question first, for that is an easy one to find answers about in Scripture. There are a number of places where God describes the character of a man, in the context of being a husband and as well as a follower of Christ. In my opinion, a good boyfriend would be able to fit these descriptions and a bad boyfriend would not. Of course, we are all a work in progress, so they don't need to be perfect, but striving for doing things God's way, the right way.

This passage from Ephesians 5, in the Message translation, is a perfect example of how a good boyfriend should live and how he should treat you:

Ephesians 5
Wake Up from Your Sleep
^1-2Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.
^3-4Don't allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity, filthy practices, or bullying greed. Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, those who follow Jesus have better uses for language than that. Don't talk dirty or silly. That kind of talk doesn't fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect.
⁵You can be sure that using people or religion or things just for what you can get out of them—the usual variations on idolatry—will get you nowhere, and certainly nowhere near the kingdom of Christ, the kingdom of God.
^6-7Don't let yourselves get taken in by religious smooth talk. God gets furious with people who are full of religious sales talk but want nothing to do with him. Don't even hang around people like that.
^8-10You groped your way through that murk once, but no longer. You're out in the open now. The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling around. Get on with it! The good, the right, the true—these are the actions appropriate for daylight hours. Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it.
^11-16Don't waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. It's a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ.

Wake up from your sleep,
Climb out of your coffins;
Christ will show you the light!
So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times!
¹⁷Don't live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you understand what the Master wants.
^18-20Don't drink too much wine. That cheapens your life. Drink the Spirit of God, huge draughts of him. Sing hymns instead of drinking songs! Sing songs from your heart to Christ. Sing praises over everything, any excuse for a song to God the Father in the name of our Master, Jesus Christ.
Relationships
²¹Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
^22-24Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
^25-28Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.
^29-33No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.

What does this all mean? You should use the Scriptures above along with these related questions to evaluate the character of a guy and/or boyfriend. Does he...

loves Jesus?
seeks to do things God's way, according to Scripture?
treat others kindly -- including his family, his mother, siblings, little children, animals, friends, strangers?
treat me with love and respect, putting his needs aside when possible to consider mine (the same is expected of you, too!)?
not give in to temptation or pressure me s_xually?
not lie, steal, cheat, or sneak around?
not curse, drink, smoke, or do drugs?

This is a good guy!

But if you answer yes to these questions, does he...

bully?
curse often?
push me to be s_xually immoral?
become consumed with fame, money, status?
make fun of me and/or others?
act disrespectfully to me or others?
lies steal, sneak around?
jump from girl to girl to girl?

I would walk away from this relationship, for a guy like this is bad news, until he gets right with God and changes his ways dramatically.

How much time should you spend with your boyfriend, or a guy?
Honestly, in my opinion, as little as possible! Unless you are about to get married, the guy you are with is simply consuming your time and not giving you anything of value in return. That's not to say he is not valuable. Of course he is. He is made in the image of God and hanging out with him in a group setting will teach you a lot and likely bring a smile to your face. However, time alone with a guy is dangerous for two reasons: the temptation to go too far physically and the cost of your friendships.

You should look for times to be in a group, instead of alone with a guy. Your girl friends will be the ones around in years from now, not the guy you like. You need your friends, to laugh with, cry with, have fun with. If you ditch them to spend your free time with a guy, your girl friendships will eventually be hurt because of the lack of time together. In order to bond with friends, time is critical. Don't trade your friendships with girls for a boyfriend. It is a loss that can't be gained back, and in the long run, you'll be sorry. Instead of looking for your needs to be met, especially by a guy, focus your time on being a better friends with guys and girls alike!

What do you think? Does this answer raise more questions? Feel free to ask and to leave your comments below or send an email to extragrace (at) gmail (.) com!

How do we learn to forgive and let go?

2009-11-16T00:01:00.001-08:00

Question:

How do you learn to forgive people and let go? How can your relationship with God help that?

Answer from Mrs. P.:

Forgiveness and God go hand in hand. When Christ died on the cross, it was for the forgiveness of our sins. God, in His mercy, decided that we would not have to repay our debt but rather Jesus satisfies our debt. God wipes out what we owe Him, because Christ paid up for us (Matthew 26:8, Ephesians 1:7).

Not only has God forgiven us, but He commands us to forgive others in Matthew 6:

⁹"This, then, is how you should pray:
" 'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
¹⁰your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
¹¹Give us today our daily bread.
¹²Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
¹³And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.' ¹⁴For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

If we want to be forgiven by God for the many things we do wrong and acts we commit against His Word, then we need to be willing to extend the same forgiveness toward others. But how?

In my experience, the most important thing to know about forgiveness is that it is action and thought pattern, not a feeling. Forgiveness is something you do, because it is right, not because it feels good. In order to forgive, you need to do the following:

Acknowledge the Hurt
Admit it to yourself, to God, and if need be, to the person who hurt you. Sometimes this requires remembering things from long ago. It is okay to look back if the intent is to move forward, without bitterness and resentment. Forgiveness is the most healing step you can take, but it might requiring go backwards before going forwards.
Be Accountable
Ask the Lord to show you if you have any guilt, or part in it the wound you have, and if you need to be forgiven.
Give it to God
This means trusting in the Lord as a fair judge who deeply cares for all His children. Trust God to have the final authority on how the offense will be handled instead of taking it in to your own hands and attempting to seek justice yourself. (Psalm 9:8,Psalm 51:4)
Pray
We are to pray for our enemies, which includes even those who we might love who have intentionally hurt us. Pray for their well-being and for them to have a right relationship with God. (Luke 6:28, Matthew 5:44)
Forgive
Mentally and physically, extend forgiveness to the person who hurt you. If possible, tell them. If not, tell God, and maybe even a close friend. Let the debt and punishment be resolved with God, not by you. Expect no "make-up" or repayment.

Forgiveness is about letting it all go, knowing that the offense is God's problem, not ours. The emotions may bubble up again and again, but all we need to do is walk through the steps of forgiveness to give it right back to God and extend the same mercy that has been granted to us in Christ Jesus.

Hope this helps! Ask more questions, if it does not!

How far physcially are we allowed to go?

2009-11-16T00:01:00.000-08:00

Question:

How far physically are we allowed to go?

Answer from Mrs. P.:

I remember this was the first thing I wanted to know after becoming saved. I wanted my next relationship to be right in God's eyes. I began by using the concordance in my new Bible to find some answers, but none seemed to give me a clear direction. I could find verses about s_x (I have to write it that way, not because it is a dirty word, but because the filters will block this site if I spell it out.), but what about kissing? Holding hands? And all the other things we know about that include keeping clothes on and taking them off, without actually having s_x?

It has been sixteen years since I first searched my Bible, and the answers I thought were non-existent are as plain as day to me now. It is because instead of looking for the "dos" and "don'ts" spelled out in verse by verse, I have a better sense of the heart of God and His instructions after studying the Scriptures all these years, as well as a way to process it all in hindsight. I see the effects of s_xual impurity on my marriage and in my heart, and I've witnessed the same reality play out in countless other women.

God, as a Heavenly Father, isn't about the "do and don't" business for the purpose of being mean or difficult. His commands and instructions are deeply rooted in love. He wants His children to be richly blessed, and has established boundaries for s_xual intimacy with our best interest in mind.

Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave
his father and mother
and be united to his wife,
and they will become one flesh.

The answer to this question of "what's too far" starts by looking at the purpose of intimacy in the first place. Beginning with Genesis 2:24, God plainly declares that he designed one man to be united to one wife. It is a dramatic reality, where a son becomes an adult, leaves his parents home and physically units with his wife. The expression "united as one flesh" describes what we call s_x. Therefore, we know absolutely that God intends for s_x to be shared between a husband and wife, for life. This means:

You are not to have s_x with anyone but your husband.

Not a friend. Not a friend-with-benefits. Not a boyfriend. Not a fiance. Not a girl.

(Yes, I must say "girl" because the world is saying it makes no difference.
According to the Scriptures, it certainly does!)

Okay, so no s_x outside of marriage! But what about everything else? We must understand the spirit of God's intent in giving us this command. God knows -- we all know -- that there is no more intimate bond than that between a husband and wife. Everything is shared and bared before one another. God, in His wisdom, is protecting us when He says it is for one man for one woman. He knows the devastation that will come if we breach this command, because He designed our bodies with hormones and chemical released to function as super-glue in bonding. What happens when to things are glued together, then ripped apart? Both pieces end up broken, with remnant of the other still attached. That's what happens through having a s_xual relationship followed by a break up. Neither of you are left whole and part of you is left with the other.

Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all,
and the marriage bed kept pure,
for God will judge the adulterer
and all the sexually immoral.

God wants the marriage bed pure. Picture this sacred place in your mind. Clean. Fresh. Exciting. Precious. Unity. New. Sweetness. Now make a commitment to protect and cherish it! And envision the joy of arriving there with your husband on your wedding night and not a day sooner. It is not to be shared, but coveted and consecrated.

In order to keep that bed pure, it isn't permissible to even pretend to go the place of "being united as one." That means not doing anything that acts like s_x (pressed upon one another n_ked or with clothes on) or touches s_xual organs (with hands or other body parts) or causes any arousal and satisfaction of any kind. Any of these acts would fall in the category of s_xually immoral and would make the marriage bed impure.

We can't erase our minds. We are triggered by sight and smell. Any level of intimacy shared with another human being will be easily recalled when in the same position again. Do you really want to remember so-and-so when you are finally with your husband? Likely not.

But what if you know you will never get married, because right now you don't want to? Take the wisdom of the next generation: You can't know for certain about tomorrow.

But how far can you go? Is it wrong to hold hands? No. Will a kiss on the lips hurt? Maybe not. But will you want more? Yes. Will it soon become not enough to express your deep feelings? Yes. Will you be able to draw a clear cut boundary that you won't cross? Likely not. We are prone to sin. Even David, a man after God's own heart, stumbled and sinned with Bathsheba (Samuel 11). Do you really think you are any better or stronger than him?

If I was going to do it all over again, I would not date until I was ready to get married, after college. I would not be physical with any guy, period. I think I wouldn't kiss on the lips until I was engaged. Seriously! And nothing more until our wedding night. Why enjoy a few months of pleasure before my wedding and tarnish decades of pleasure to follow by bonding before God intended. The trade just isn't worth it.

Therefore, my recommendation to you are as follows:

Search the Scriptures. Look up marriage, wife, husband, pure, purity, s_x, s_xually immoral.
Confess to God. Tell Him about any s_xual impurity you have already experienced.
Allow the Lord's forgiveness to wash your clean and make you as white as snow. He will. Read Psalm 51.
Commit to 100% purity from this point on.
If you have a boyfriend (or friends-with-benefits relationships), put the breaks on everything physical.
If you are seriously dating, re-evaluate the purpose of it and benefit of continuing.
Only spend time with guys in public settings and with a large group of friends.
Don't lay down with a guy or drape your body over him (like when watching a movie, even with a group of friends).
Have tremendous modesty in what you wear and how you carry yourself, so that you do not arouse the guys you are with. This is a matter of respect for them, as much as for yourself.
If you are not dating, make a commitment to not be in any relationship until your junior or senior year in college, when you are actually closer to marrying age. And apply these boundaries even in that relationship.

What do you think? Why? I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

Do you have a question?

2009-11-14T08:27:00.000-08:00

Please feel free to leave a comment below with your question about Guys, Girls, and God that you would like for one of the answers gals to respond to here on the blog!

It Is Time to be Refreshed!

2009-11-14T00:01:00.000-08:00

The Lord works in wondrous ways. What a joy to be part of His delightful surprises, like seeing Refresh emerge once again as a little sanctuary in cyberspace on a mission to encourage young women desiring answers to very real questions.

In the coming weeks, I will be partnering with other women to answer real questions from real teenage gals. These questions have been submitted at a weekly meeting, originally birthed from the desire the girls have expressed to have their questions about "Guys, Girls, and God" answered honestly!

We know these questions warrant honest and compassionate answers. In all humility, my sisters in Christ and I will do our best to share our wisdom according to the Word, praying that our words will be seasoned with grace and gentleness.

We hope this collection of Q&A's will become a treasure trove, not only for those asking the questions but for anyone stopping by looking for answers. We look forward to hearing from you, as well, so please do leave a comment or send an email "the answer gals" at extragace (at) gmail (.) com with your thoughts and questions to

2009-11-11T18:26:00.001-08:00

Question:
How do you know if something is God's plan? For example, when you don't understand why something is happening, how it's supposed to help you?

Answer by Mrs. R.:

Let me first encourage you - YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! We all wonder this from time to time, especially when it is a difficult situation,a prayer is not answered in the way we were expecting or we're just plain old confused! The good news is that God never intended for us to know every single thing because He's got it all covered. Check out this verse:

Isaiah 55:8-9
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Isn't it comforting to know that we couldn't possibly come up with everything that the Lord has planned? I mean, look at the universe, so vast, down to a microscopic being. I couldn't possibly have created this universe and everything in it. I couldn't have even thought it! I am so incredibly thankful that God of ALL created things for His purpose alone. Honestly, my way would not be the best for me or anybody else. We tend to think in an immediate sense. God has eternity to put it all together.

Yes, this is a hard concept to grasp completely, but that's why we have a loving Father who has our back, no matter what.
Here is the bottom line:

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plan I have for you," declared the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

This question has been answered by Mrs. R.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
or any additional thoughts!

2009-11-11T18:25:00.000-08:00

Question:

I'm always told not to worry about relationships because God has a plan...but how do I know that I won't be the crazy cat lady, single and alone?

Answer by Mrs. R.:

Actually, we are told not to worry. Period. About anything. 1 Peter 5:7 says,

Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.

Easier said than done? Yes. But that's why we have God's Word to remind us when we aren't quite on track. As far as your question about your future, specifically about getting married or not; the truth is that you won't know what God's plan is unless you have a relationship with Him. Even then, sometimes we can be fuzzy on the details. (see the other questions in this category).

Jesus said in Matthew 6:33:

Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you all well.

If we look at this scripture, it is pretty clear that our first and foremost concern is to know who God is, not what he will do for us. We can do this by reading the bible everyday and praying. When we seek God, truly seek to know Him, to love Him, and to follow His ways, our hearts' desires will be for Him and for His desires. We may find that what we've longed for isn't quite what He's planned for us.

Here are a few more verses to chew on:

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.

Psalm 33:11

But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purpose of his heart through all generations.

Proverbs 16:9

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps

Now getting back to the being alone part. I think you're assuming that happiness is to be married not to be single. I just finished a book called Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. One of the 'lies' that is listed is "I have to have a husband to be happy." Her response was,

"The Truth is that the ultimate purpose of marriage is not to make us happy, but to glorify God. Women who get married for the purpose of finding happiness are setting themselves up for almost certain disappointment; they seldom find what they are looking for." She goes on to say, "The Truth is the happiness is not found in (or out of) marriage; it is not found in any human relationship. True joy can only be found through Christ."

I hope this somewhat answers your question. I recommend reading her book Lies Young Women Believe to get some more answers on this topic and others.

This question has been answered by Mrs. R.
Please feel free to leave a comment with follow up questions
or any additional thoughts!

Thanks!

2009-01-10T11:09:00.001-08:00

Thanks for stopping by Refresh! Your visit is truly appreciated. Please feel free to look around, glean some encouragement from the resources, and leave a comment to let me know you've visited. If you'd like to be in touch, you can reach me at Extravagant Grace, where I post on a weekly basis. Refresh is currently on hiatus. Blessings to you!

Away for the Summer

2008-05-18T12:36:00.000-07:00

Thanks for stopping by Refresh! I wish I was here to spend some time with you, but life has taken a busy turn and I will be spending my extra hours packing boxes for a local move later this summer.

I'll be away from Refresh until the fall, but you can swing by Extravagant Grace until then. I hope to still post over there and that the words the Lord puts on my heart would be an encouragement to you as well.

Blessings and Happy Summer!

Becoming a Godly Woman

2008-05-08T12:12:00.000-07:00

I heard a bit of a great sermon series from Chip Ingram in the car the other day and just finished listening to it online. It is profound! I hope you can listen, too. Each sermon is about 30 minutes each.

Here's the link: http://lote.org/listen/listenDaily.php

Look for, House or Home? Is there a woman in the house? Part 1 and then Part 2. And if you have the time, listen to the one about men first! It was very convicting to me!

If you have questions about Ephesians 5 and the Biblical meaning of submission, then definitely make time to hear what Chip has to say!

Prayer: Just Do It.

2008-04-28T05:02:00.000-07:00

Head over to Extravagant Grace this week for a daily series on prayer. It will be packed full of Scriptures and ideas to get your prayer life in shape!

Devo Truth: Worship the Lord

2008-04-19T19:37:00.000-07:00

Psalm 13:5-6 NLT
But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me.

Have you experienced God's unfailing love? Have you rejoiced because He has rescued you? Ask the Lord to bathe you in His unfailing love. Pray for Him to rescue you from your pit--from even yourself! Sing to the Lord today, for He is good...all the time...to you and to me! Turn up the worship music, and do your normal things unto the Lord today. Grab your Bible and read the Psalms that worship the Lord with gladness in your heart. Get your mind thinking about God’s greatness instead of your circumstances.

Lord, we thank you that you are good all the time. We thank you that you are love and your actions are determined by love. Rescue us! We will proclaim your glory! Help us to see and understand your goodness today! In Jesus' Name, Amen.

This devo is inspired by the Journey of Truth
series formerly published at Extravagant Grace.

Do Hard Things Giveaway

2008-04-15T05:47:00.001-07:00

Head over to Extravagant Grace to enter a giveaway contest for a great new book, Do Hard Things, by teenage twins, Alex and Brett Harris. It is a GREAT book!

Devo Truth: TNRPLAEP

2008-04-11T19:34:00.000-07:00

Philippians 4:8

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

This is one of those verses that seems so simple and logical, but is really hard to put into practice. So how do we learn to live out this verse? One step at a time. We have to realize that our spiritual life isn't like a typical education that finishes up after a couple months of study. This a lifelong course that requires daily discipline. We need to learn to think in Godly terms all the time.

Look at each description and list off as many things that come to mind, either out loud, before the Lord, or in your journal.

whatever is true...
whatever is noble...
whatever is right...
whatever is pure...
whatever is lovely...
whatever is admirable...
if anything is excellent or praiseworthy....

Now consider this attempt at an acronym...

TrueNobleRightPureLovelyAdmirableExcellentPraiseworthy

It doesn't spell anything in particular, but can you try to sound it out? TNRPLAEP. To me it sounds a bit like, turnplay. So let's use it to turn our minds and play out the truth each time our thoughts are not what they should be. Practice this throughout the day, and I am sure God will bring His peace upon you!

Heavenly Father, thank you for the instruction in your Word. We know you have given it for our benefit. Help us look to keep our minds and thoughts turned toward you and heeding your instructions all day long! In Jesus' Name, Amen.

This devo is inspired by the Journey of Truth
series formerly published at Extravagant Grace.

Revolve Tour

2008-04-05T04:13:00.001-07:00

New information for the Women of Faith sponsored Teen REVOLVE Tour is out. Check it out!

Devo Truth: God Hears Us

2008-04-04T12:40:00.000-07:00

Psalm 5:3

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.

What are your requests today? What are you waiting for? Have you taken the time to sit before the Lord and share your heart? Have you given your Holy God the privilege of your presence and the commitment of your time? Have you heard His voice?

There is no time like right now to get with God, to get into His Word. That is what He wants and that is what you need to do to hear Him speak to you personally. There are no more excuses.

Go to Biblegateway.com or grab your Bible and look up Psalm 119. Read it from start to finish. Pray it. Read it again. Write out the verses that strike your heart.

Heavenly Father, we give you our hearts and our resolve to change our attitudes by filling our minds with your truth. Help us, O Lord, to stay steadfast on you. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

This devo is inspired by the Journey of Truth
series formerly published at Extravagant Grace.

Holy Habits: Romans 12:1-2

2008-03-31T04:43:00.000-07:00

The next post in the Holy Habits devotional series up at Extravagant Grace. Stop by to learn what it means to offer yourself as a living sacrifice to the Lord!

Do the Hard Thing!

2008-03-28T10:56:00.001-07:00

Read this post for a great giveaway coming up!

Devo Truth: God Delights In You

2008-03-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

Zephaniah 3:17

The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.

The words written in this verse remind me of a mother or father gently speaking to their tender-hearted but saddened daughter. I see the tears trickling down her cheek and feel her mother's soft touch swiping them away as she reminds her of the deep love and steadfast truth of the Lord. Hear it clearly, my dear friend. Listen to what the Lord has to say...

He is with you.

He is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you.

He will quiet you with His love.

He will rejoice over you with singing.

Do you believe it? Can you accept this as true? Can you believe it, even if your faith is just the size of a mustard seed!

Heavenly Father, transform our faith. Help us to believe. Give us eyes and ears to see and hear the wonder of your love and the depth of your amazing, extravagant grace. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

This devo is inspired by the Journey of Truth
series formerly published at Extravagant Grace.

Devo Truth: Psalm 27:4

2008-03-17T11:52:00.000-07:00

Psalm 27:4

The one thing I want from God, the thing I seek most of all, is the privilege of meditating in His Temple, living in His presence every day of my life, delighting in His incomparable perfections and glory.

Today, this verse is meant for meditation. Write it out, rewrite it and turn it into a prayer. Consider all the things you want and compare them to this verse. God is not Santa Claus. He doesn't just give us what we want because we've been good enough. He gives us what we need, so that we will see Him, worship Him, and be used by Him in His work.

What does it mean to want God most of all? To meditate in His temple? To live in His presence? To delight in His incomparable perfections and glory? Ask the Lord to help you answer these questions. Pray for Him to work in your heart abundantly and give you a vision of His incomparable perfections and glory already at work in your life.

Lord Jesus Christ, you are all we need. Help us to understand that in a culture and world that screams otherwise. In Your Name, we pray. Amen.

This devo is inspired by the Journey of Truth
series formerly published at Extravagant Grace.

A Note to God

2008-03-11T11:18:00.000-07:00

Lord I come before you as a sinner
A girl who is weak
Because they call me a freak
And Lord I’m falling, I’m falling deep
I keep on sinning but later weep
This worlds attracting, I’m having fun
Away from you I always run
I party, do my own thing
Which is definitely not your fling
I know its wrong, but why Lord why?
I love you and with you I’ll fly
I’ve made mistakes and asked for forgiveness
But I’ve repeated them and now feel guilty
I go with the flow and make my friends a god?
But do you give a nod?
No, you are my god, my eyes look to you
So why do I mess up?
I need to fess up
You’re right, I’m wrong
I want to do what’s right, but it’s hard
I rather party or perhaps play cards
I’m so easily persuaded and fall for peer pressure
This is my downfall
But help me stand up tall and stand up for you,
And to do your will Lord
I’ll put on your sword and a cord
That says you are my Lord
For I’m not ashamed nor lame
With you strength I’ll live for you, you alone
Help me lord
This world has nothing for me; you are the treasure I seek
I’m no longer a freak
Now I ask once again for forgiveness
Will you forgive me?
It was fun for the while, but you are my joy
You are not a toy,
A toy to abandon or play games with
Make me whole again
Nothing will shake me – only you will move me
No longer will my friends move me
Or make me unstable
I have a new label
It’s a follower of Jesus

Allegra I. • A Senior in High School
This poem is a beautiful picture into Allegra's heart. She is sharing it here at Refresh with the hopes that you will be encouraged to trust in Jesus and follow Him, too.

This poem has been shared with permission, but may not be reprinted without consent. Please email Elisa at extragrace (at) gmail (.) com for further information.

Holy Habits: Psalm 25:4-5

2008-03-10T05:57:00.000-07:00

The next post in the Holy Habits devotional series up at Extravagant Grace. Stop by to learn about the power of God's Word and how to make it part of your life!

Refresh Our Thinking: Dating

2008-03-06T12:05:00.000-08:00

Dating is such a hot topic for Christian girls. There is such a spattering of opinion, and even sometimes theology, on whether a Christian gal of any age should date. So how do you know what you ought to do? Of course, if you are living at home and under 18, you need to come under the authority of your parents. But what if your parents haven't given you any guidance or have left the decision up to you? How do you make the right choice for your future?

Before I give you my opinion, will I am sure I will do in the coming months, I'd like for you to hear what Mark Driscoll has to say on the matter. He is the pastor of a rapidly growing, singles-attracting, in-touch-with-the-culture, but theologically sound church in Seattle known as Mars Hill Church. He is in the middle of a series entitled, "Religion Saves and Nine Other Misconceptions," which would be excellent to check out the whole series here. In week three, Mark tackles the question of dating, giving a great perspective with practical application. Take the time to listen to his thoughts here, and also check out his sermon notes here. This will be well worth your time!

I want to hear from you, too. What are your thoughts on dating? Are you dating? What boundaries have you set? Have you dated in the past? Was it worth it? Will you date again? If you're an older gal, now married, what was your experience? What is your advice? Leave a comment, or if you have lot to say on the matter, email me at extragrace (at) gmail (.) com, and we might be able to turn your thoughts into a contributors post.

Following is For You, too!

2008-03-05T06:10:00.000-08:00

I have a post up for Wordfilled Wednesays over at Extravagant Grace that I think will speak to your life, too. Head over there to read a bit about what it means to be a disciple of Christ.

Holy Habits: John 15:9

2008-03-03T05:22:00.001-08:00

The next post in the Holy Habits devotional series up at Extravagant Grace. Stop by to learn about remaining in God's love! Click here to read it!

Devo: Truth ~ Matt 17:20

2008-02-29T08:15:00.000-08:00

Matthew 17:20
I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed...
Nothing will be impossible for you.

Do you know how small a mustard seed is? It is smaller than a grain of rice. Picture that in your mind and then reread this verse. God is telling us that our faith can be itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny, but it still counts as faith. So, are you willing to put your struggles, dreams, heartaches, and hopes before the Lord, in faith, that He can handle it all for you?

It doesn't matter what age you are, your needs are real, true, and understood by God. Even your dreams and hopes matter to Him. The Lord wants to know the desires of your heart and concerns about life, whether they are about friendships, guys, family issues, grades, summer plans, college acceptance letters. Everyone of these things can be brought to the Lord in prayer, just like a conversation with a close friend. God doesn't want you to come to Him after you've figured everything out. He wants you to talk to Him about it before you have the answers. That is where faith kicks in -- trusting God to take care of it all. Even if our faith is only the size of a mustard seed, God still hears our prayers.

Write out a list of everything that is on your heart. Turn it into a prayer to the Lord, and boldly ask for His will to be done. Pray, too, for God to increase your faith and to bring His peace to your life as you learn to trust in Him more and more. If you would like to, share your prayers with us, we will join you on our knees before the Lord, too. I have lots of women ready to pray for you! If it is a private need, email Elisa at extragrace (at) gmail (.) com!

Heavenly Father, thank you for taking what little faith we have and multiplying it in your economy. Help us to trust you and to take that first little step of faith in your direction. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

This devo is inspired by the Journey of Truth
series formerly published at Extravagant Grace.

Overflow of the Heart

2008-02-26T18:45:00.000-08:00

...A story by Angela Nazworth

The burst of cool air was the only refreshment I felt when entering the auditorium. Anxiety over which puce plastic chair to choose overwhelmed me. I was careful not to sit near the “in crowd,” as I knew I was not welcomed. It was also important for me to not sit anywhere I could be spotted by class comedians, “Clown-Around Cal” and “Sarcastic Sam”, for I was their favorite target. Sitting near those who flew under the radar was also out of the question because my presence could make them victims. I resigned myself to a chair close to the back of the room and near an aisle. If a quick escape needed to be made, I was sure to be ready.

“Today is the first day of the rest of your lives and when you are old, you’ll remember the next four years as your days of glory,” said high school guidance counselor Mr. D.

My life has got to get better than this, I thought as I crossed my legs and slumped forward, hoping not to be noticed.

Growing up in a small Northern town, I attended 13 years of school with the same kids. Those who shared crayons and blocks with me in Kindergarten became those who hurled insults and food at me from the fourth-grade until close to graduation. I identified with underdog characters in Hollywood coming of age movies like “Lucas,” “Can’t Buy Me Love,” “Pretty in Pink,” and “Never Been Kissed.” You know the movie, there’s always at least one kid who stands out like a blue velvet tuxedo complete with ruffled shirt. In my high school, I was one of those kids, president of the dweeb squad. Only for me, there was no day of redemption. No tearful apologies, no dream date to the prom, no first kiss after a football game, and no convicting speeches given in the cafeteria that ended with thunderous applause and a renewed spirit of unity.

For years, I spent most of my time trying to fix myself. I would wonder what was wrong with me and then go to extremes to amputate the culprit. I stopped wearing my glasses. I lost more and more weight until my size one jeans were loose around my waist. Since trying hard not to be noticed didn’t stop the verbal barrage, I tried to earn approval by excelling. I worked hard in school and earned leadership positions in various student activities. I joined the drama team and co-starred in plays. I even volunteered to serve on several outreach projects, after all, how could “they” hate someone who is good to others, I reasoned. I even tried to bargain to those who bullied with their lips; for exchange of just one day free of scorn I would do their English homework or clean their lockers.

Despite my efforts, daydreams, prayers, and pleas, the teasing didn’t end, not even for a day, not even for an hour. Books were still thrown off my desk, signs that read “I’m a dork” were taped to my back, feet continued to trip me as I walked to the front of the classroom, and worst of all, taunts echoed in my ears and in my heart.

I graduated high school with two goals: Number one: Get as far away from that town as possible; and, number two, find out what was wrong with me.

My life took a turn for the better at the Christian college I attended. It was there when the Lord provided me with friendships that last still to this day. Friendships that have drawn me closer to understanding the character and love of Jesus.

After college graduation, I moved to Orlando, Florida to pursue a career in public relations. This is a move that can be credited only to the grace and love of God. It was in Orlando where I continued to blossom into the woman God created me to be. There were many moments that can be written about, but one, very simple moment had a significant impact on my future.

My roommate and I were hosting a gathering of church friends and the subject of high school reunions was broached as several yearbooks were passed around. I mentioned that my fifth-year reunion was just around the corner and I had no intention of returning for the festivities. When asked to explain my strong feelings about skipping the reunion, I briefly shared that I was the local outcast. My friend Eric, raised his eyebrow and incredulously questions “You?” “Kids made fun of you?” When I confirmed his suspicion, I braced myself for his next questions. Here it comes, I thought, he’s going to ask me what was wrong with me back then. When Eric started his question, I cringed, because it seemed like he was going where I thought he would go…only he didn’t. Instead, he shook his head and emphatically spat out the words “What was wrong with THEM?”

I gasped and it took every ounce of pride I had to refrain from leaping into Eric’s arms and hugging his Alabama neck. It was then on the living room floor of my first adult home when the truth behind the ugliness of high school finally pierced my heart. There wasn’t anything wrong with me. Sure, I had gone through a gawky phase. I walked funny in elementary school, and I made my share of social faux pas; but I did nothing to warrant the harassment I received. There was nothing wrong with me. There was, however, something wrong inside the hearts of my tormentors. Whether it was fear, insecurities, anger, grief, or pride, there was something wrong in their lives that enabled or propelled them to wound another individual.

It hurts to admit this, but there have been many times in my life when my words were no cleaner than the words spoken to me by my high school nemeses. Matthew 12:34 states “For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.”
So every time I speak a harsh word to my husband in the heat of an argument, every time I let a sarcastic comment slip out in a moment of frustration, every time I bellow in anger in the presence of my young daughter, in those moments there is something wrong with me, because there is something wrong with my heart. Regardless of how provoked or justified I may feel, I am still responsible for my own words. Words that I know are not easily forgotten.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Angela Nazworth is the mother of a four-year-spunky little girl and a 10-month-old boy. She and her husband Napp, a professor of political science, have been married for 8 ½ years and reside in South Carolina. A former award-winning public relations professional, Angela uses her writing as a ministry. In her new blog, Becoming Me, she shares personal stories and insights about God's working in her life.

Visit Angela at Becoming Me

Holy Habits: 1 Corinthians 10:5

2008-02-25T04:09:00.000-08:00

The next post in the Holy Habits devotional series up at Extravagant Grace. Stop by to learn why we all need to do a "thought" inventory! Click here to read it!

Refresh

More to Be

Staying Connected

Conflict...with Non-Christians

Getting to Know Mom

Ephesians 6:1-3 The Message

1 Corinthians 13:-4-7 The Message

Finding Time for God and Prayer!

ETC. on Facebook

What makes the ideal man or woman?

Question: To Judge or to Admonish?

Question: Silence of God?

Question: Dating?

Proverbs 3:5-6 (The Message)

It is worth the wait!

Start Here Giveaway!

Becoming a Mentor: Resources For You!

Knowing Who We Really Are...

How can I deal with the anger inside of me?

What should I say to my friend?

Forgiving What Seems Unforgiveable

How Can I Have a Healthy Relationship, Even If I've Been Hurt?

Keeping the Peace with Non-Believing Siblings

Proverbs 3:5-6

Ephesian 1

Spiritual Blessings in Christ

Salt and Light

Philippians 2

Imitating Christ's Humility

What to do about Gossip!

Is it okay to be the weaker partner?

Friendship Struggles!

Negative Friendships!

How can I fix the relationship with my mom?

Should you date your friend?

Do I really need to respect my parents?

Respect & Honesty

Getting Respect, Really Changing

Healing from Hurts

Should I date my ex?

Deuteronomy 6:5

Love the LORD your God with all your heartand with all your soul and with all your strength.

Become a Mentor, Easy as ETC.

Difficult Relationships

Luke 6:31

It is a slow fade...

Apologizing!

Being the Only One

What is a good way to fix a broken relationship with my mom?

What should we do when we are really angry?

Becoming unattached

Middle School Crush

How Should We Act at Parties?

What should you do about dating a guy with history?

How can we learn to love ourselves just the way we are?

Clothes?!?!

Shirts

Pants

Skirts

Dresses

Final Notes

More Pure Fashion Guidelines

What do you have to do to be forgiven by God for your sins?

How do I start reading the Bible?

What if I have become jaded?

How can I grow closer to God?

Do you think it is bad to date?

How do we stop the cycle?

How much time should we spend with a guy? What is a bad boyfriend?

Ephesians 5

Wake Up from Your Sleep

Relationships

How do we learn to forgive and let go?

If we want to be forgiven by God for the many things we do wrong and acts we commit against His Word, then we need to be willing to extend the same forgiveness toward others. But how?

How far physcially are we allowed to go?

Do you have a question?

It Is Time to be Refreshed!

Thanks!

Away for the Summer

Becoming a Godly Woman

Love the LORD your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your strength.