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Welcome to Refresh! 

Thank you so much for stopping by Refresh, a place designed to encourage teen gals and their mentors. During this season of a vibrant ETC. ministry and one-on-one mentoring, we will not be updating Refresh. However, be sure to subscribe with your email address on the sidebar and you won't miss a future update.

May you seek Him and the Word as you mentor the next generation!

Conflict...with Non-Christians

Question:
How should I respond when someone else -- a non-Christian -- tries to pick a fight about religion?


Answer by Mrs. P:
The best way to respond to an argumentative friend, especially when it comes to your faith, it to give the most unlikely, unexpected response:  LOVE and RESPECT.  You can practically do this, through:

• responding with gentle words
• keeping a respectful tone
• showing loving actions
• commit to private prayer  

Jesus commands us to love God and love others:

Matthew 22:36-40
 ³⁶"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" ³⁷Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' ³⁸This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' ⁴⁰All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

When a person wants to argue about religion, really they are crying out for answers to deeper questions.  They are searching for significance and trying to remove any doubt of their beliefs from their life.  More often than not, they aren't trying to prove you wrong, but rather prove themselves right. 

Instead of arguing back, answer their deeper questions with your friendship.  Show them you love them enough to not argue, and to not change them by peer pressure and a fancy display of your intelligence.  Show that you are willing to stick with them, even though you have different beliefs, assuming they are not influencing you negatively.  Healthy boundaries are always a good practice with non-believers.

If a non-Christian wants to sit down and examine the Scriptures with you, go for it.  But remember to pray up for that time together, seek wise counsel for answers and guidance in how to respond, and do so with the motivation to love.

Getting to Know Mom

Question:
My relationship with my mom isn't bad -- we don't really fight -- but I don't feel like I know her.  How can I get to know her better?

Answer by Mrs. P.:
This is such a hope-filled question.  Truly, it is a blessing to experience a peace-filled relationship with mom.  However, it can hurt right down to the core to feel like you don't know her either.  For some reason, when someone holds themselves back from us, it always feels like that must be because there is something wrong with "me" instead of "them."  Usually, however, it is just the opposite.  When a mom or friend guards her heart and thoughts, it is often because she has been hurt at a time she was vulnerable.  The natural reaction is to become very guarded, in every relationship. 

I do believe, however, that it is worth the effort of trying to getting to know mom better.  There is no formula for how to do this, but I would recommend the following steps:

Pray!  

• Ask the Lord to give your a humble heart full of compassion and love for your mom. 
• Ask the Lord to show you any bitterness or unforgiveness in your own spirit, especially towards your mom.  If you need to, forgive her now.  That will have a tremendous impact on your relationship.
• Ask the Lord for wisdom and discernment to know how and when to approach mom.

Be vulnerable and honest!

• Look for times to share your life with your mom.  
• Tell her about your friends, school work, interests.  
• Tell her about your struggles, fears, concerns.
• Seek her advice and then heed it, if it is consistent with Scripture.
• Consider your roll as daughter.  Are you obeying mom?  Respecting mom?  Or are you being difficult and disobedient?  This will definitely affect your relationship negatively, so get yourself in check before expecting mom to respond to you the way you want.

Seek her out!

• This relationship isn't just about you.  It is about her, too.  So seek her out not for what you can get but what you can give.
• Offer to do some extra chores.
• Send her a note of encouragement (texting or emailing is great), but don't ask for anything!
• Ask her out for coffee, and treat with your own money.
• Ask her to tell you about her childhood, job, friends, memories.

Relationships take time to grow and develop.  As you mature from a girl into a young woman, your relationship with mom will also change.  It might be harder for her than for you, so give her grace in the transition. Keep in mind, too, that sometimes moms are going through a tough period themselves, and your roll may simply be to love her unconditionally during this difficult period. 

Remember, too, relationships need the ingredients of time, compassion, love, grace, and patience.  Sow those things into your relationship with your mom, and the ultimate result will be a sweet blessing from the Lord! 

Ephesians 6:1-3 The Message

Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. "Honor your father and mother" is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, "so you will live well and have a long life." 

 

 

1 Corinthians 13:-4-7 The Message

 

  Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
   Love doesn't strut,
   Doesn't have a swelled head,
   Doesn't force itself on others,
   Isn't always "me first,"
   Doesn't fly off the handle,
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn't revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end. 

Finding Time for God and Prayer!

Question:
I know that God and prayer shouldn't just be something we throw into our schedule for a few minutes, but at school this doesn't really seem to be working out because of all we have to do.  How do we make it work?

Answer by Mrs. P.:
Finding the time to devote to our relationship with the Lord, and specifically prayer, is always difficult.  It is so easy to think that at another time in life, it will be easier, but to be honest, it is not.  

At your age, the challenges are school and friends.  In a few years, it might be internships and grad exams.  A few years later, it might be marriage and work and children.  There will always be relationships and responsibilities pressing in on us and distracting us from time with the Lord.

The solution is not to put it off, but to seize the moment.  In other words, make a commitment to the Lord that He will be first place in your life and everything else will have to fit around time with Him.  Then getting going on putting action to that commitment.  Decide now that you will devote 15-20 minutes to Bible reading and prayer (conversation with God), every day.  If you like routine, look for the least interrupted time in your schedule and do it at that time every day.  If you are spontaneous, pick the next available option in the day, with a reminder such as, "Before I watch TV, listen to music, text a friend, surf the net...I will spend time with God."

Think of your time with the Lord in terms of a relationship, not a requirement.  If you want it to grow, you need to spend time together.  Sometimes, that time will be like an adrenalin rush of joy.  Other times, it will be simply co-existing.  Every earthly relationship has it's ups and downs.  Our spiritual relationship with God will also have times of deep intimacy and other moments that feel like silence.  But remain committed spending time with God and in His Word.  Walk through the motions daily as an act of obedience and love to the Lord.  In time your emotions will catch up.  God will bless your obedience with His strength to persevere and a filling of His love.

So go, commit to the Lord your time and your heart now.

Ephesians 5:15-16

 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

If you really want to see real life struggle to spend time with the Lord (and an outpouring of His grace),  read about my journey here.

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What makes the ideal man or woman?

Have you ever stopped to think about what makes the ideal man or woman? It is a great question that college freshman, Paige Roberts, decided to tackle for an English class assignment.

Take a few minutes to see what Paige and her peers believe is the ideal for a man or woman:




What did you think?

Do you want to know what I think?

Well, I am thrilled that Paige is wrestling with this question and challenging her peers to consider it as well. However, I am a bit disappointed by a majority of their responses. Their sincerity is obvious, as well as their hopefulness that their definition of man or woman would one day be fulfilled in their spouse.  Yet, I don't believe they realize how subtly they have been tainted by the opinions of the culture.  In their thoughts, I see a naivety in understanding what make an ideal man and woman.  Moreover, I am deeply concerned about how their future relationships might turn out if their ideal is indeed pursued and fulfilled. 

After thirteen years of marriage, I can testify to the fact that both societies standard of ideal and the thoughts of these college students miss the mark.  An ideal man or woman should not be someone with the right personality, right appearance, right social habits.  That is personal opinion. And remember, looks fade and personalities change.

Determining an ideal man or woman should not be like selecting ice cream and toppings off a menu at the local Friendly's.  Tastes change.  And ingredients turn sour.  An ideal man or woman needs to have substance that transcends personal preference. The answer to this question needs to go deeper, beyond the surface.  It should focus on the character of the person, and most importantly their heart.

We ought to be looking for our ideal in the same way God does -- at the heart.

1 Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

The heart is the command central for every human being.  Physically, it keeps life going.  Spiritually, it houses the source of our identity, purpose, passion, pain, and perspective.  It is in the heart we believe that Jesus is Lord.  It is from the heart that the mouth speaks.  It is in the heart we hide our pain.  It is from the heart we share God's love.

The state of our heart determines the state of our lives.  So instead of looking on the outside appearance, we must look into the heart of another person to find their character.

In my humble opinion, the ideal man or woman has received Jesus as their Lord, allowing His transforming work to take place in their heart and manifest through out their lives.  This ideal person honors God, obeys His Word, loves Jesus, is led the by Holy Spirit, repents quickly, confesses sin to others as a form of accountability, seeks to care for the poor, the hungry, the fatherless and the widow.  The ideal man or woman knows their own depravity and God's ultimate sovereignty, living in reverence of Him and purposed to give God glory in all things.

A man or woman who lives by these principles is not perfect, but rather is continually being transformed by God into His perfection.

A man or woman who lives by these principles is not beautiful according to the standards of this world, but rather is beautiful from the inside out with a captivating countenance.

A man or woman who lives by these principles is not necessarily popular, but more often is persecuted for their faith.  Even so, in this God's strength is display and it is stunning.

To find an ideal man or woman is to find the character of God living on this earth.   It is a worthy pursuit, to find such a person.  Moreover, it is a worthy pursuit to become such a person, for the glory of God.

By His Grace & Mighty Power,
Mrs. P

~~~~

About Paige Roberts
I am a freshman at Miami University.  I’m involved with Campus Crusade for Christ at Miami and I love meeting new people every day here.  The most important thing in my life is my relationship with God.  I was saved when I was a little kid and made the decision to be baptized during high school.  To me faith is everything and don’t get me wrong, I have been teased for it, but in my eyes what I’m living for is worth everything I’m getting here.  I am trying to live my life like a woman of God, so when my English 112 professor assigned our video assignment I knew this would be a perfect opportunity to show what matters in a relationship in general.  I know people my age tend to think it’s all about looks and I was hoping to prove that looks weren’t everything.  As it turns out, there are some more important factors when looking for a mate, whether you are a male or female and my video explains what I found in my research.  Enjoy!